Wednesday, October 3, 2007


I am extremely baffled by females and I am well aware that I am one. I understand hormones, I understand mood swings where you KNOW you are being irrational but are helpless to stop it. I understand every single thing being right and good with your world and STILL having an overwhelming need to sit on the couch and blubber for an hour. I have watched a movies with kids and dogs and gotten so choked up I haven't been able to speak. I don't understand WHY any of these things happen, but I have been through them all and I understand that they DO happen. Men don't understand this... and I have tried a few times to explain it to Conrad. No comprende...

Listen, I am under no illusion that anyone but me, Conrad and the mothers involved really care to hear every detail about this wedding. Conrad really doesn't. On some things he has opinions and on some things I present him five options and we pick from there. He does not care to troll through 125 cakes looking for the perfect one. If I give him an option of three, we're good to go. NO ONE becomes more hated than a self centered bride. You can quickly get a bad reputation. So I have not done any wedding stuff at work and I don't talk about it and I don't bother my friends. I may occasionally post here if something is funny or sad or I am upset, but for the most part, I am back to normal life, until maybe a week before. I am SO not like the bridezillas we see on TV.

But I do have a dear friend who has been so excited about the wedding. She has wanted to hear just about every detail... and suddenly yesterday she told me she is not coming. I just don't know what to think. I'm not sure if this is some attack of hormones or if I did something to upset her. It did sort of hurt my feelings, as bridezilla as that may seem, but mostly I am just baffled. The wedding is seven months away, so maybe things will change... and there will be lots of people I want there that will have things come up. I am certainly ok with that and I understand... but in this situation, I am wondering and I am worried and bothered by it. I am going to chalk it up, for now to just, well- all that stuff I wrote about in the first paragraph... I'm sure I've done and said things that made people wonder if I was getting all my vitamins, but this just feels very personal... it made me sad.

I will be honest and say it did bother me. I did go home and wonder and I still feel kind of bad today. I would never let one person not being there put a damper on the day, although she is like on my top ten of people I want there- I am so excited to be able to see most of my family and friends all at one time... but this did put a damper on it for a day or two and I'm left wondering if this is going to happen to me too... Should I call the doctor and start chewing estrogen pills to guarantee I won't flip out one day? I don't know... I do take multi-vitamins and and I try to stay hydrated ... I don't know... women are a mystery.

I feel bad for my brothers, my dad, Conrad, my uncles, every male friend I have. I assure you we don't mean to be weird, we just sometimes are. Now- I am going to go have myself a good cry. No, no- nothing is wrong.......