The New Addition

Well ... we went sort of a new direction!

We got a 2004 Toyota Camry Solara this evening ... it only had 34K miles on it. Silver with gray leather interior. Moonroof, nice radio, fully loaded, not a scratch on it. One car owner, with a 7 year, 100,000 mile warranty ... I am VERY pleased.

My payment has dropped $175 a month and I'm welcome to pay it off at any time and I just might ... in the next few days I'll take pics and post them here. I'm so proud!

It drives like a dream ... and it was a very pleasant buying experience. I work with a lady who's husband is a fleet manager. I found the car online today- went in, drove it and bought it ... it seemed to take forever, but other than that, a very nice experience ...

I think it's a good car, it will hold it's value and Toyota's are great cars. I'm happy.

Big thanks to Conrad for the help, the support, going with me, etc ... couldn't have done it without you!

I am so glad to have this out of the way. I felt so unsettled with the rent car in the driveway and no car of my own ... and trying so hard to never get a scratch on it. All the worry. I'm hoping this purchase goes a long way to getting things back to normal around here.

Karyn

Decisions

It's not been that easy to think of a new car to get. I sort of was happy with the one I had - but I'm not in the market for another $30K truck.

I've narrowed it down to the Mitsibishi Lancer or Galant. We test drove them yesterday and a dealership in Houston has a lot of 2008 and 2009's in inventory - the only thing I need to do is add leather. I don't think any of the ones in inventory have it and since I have a messy dog, I sort of need it.

Anyway I lean towards the Lancer. Check them out! Pretty cute little sporty things. I haven't heard back yet from the total loss department at Allstate, but I'm sure they will want me out of the rental car this week sometime ... so time is a tickin' ...

This happening during Christmas and New Year's has not helped. So many people on vacation, it's hard to get anything done ...

Kah

Wear Your Seat Belts, Kids

Allstate called yesterday after nine days- they had finally looked at my truck ...

The first thing the guy asked was everyone ok? And I said yes and he said well because when I looked at the truck my first thought was something bad had happened to the people who were in it and I said oh no- I walked away from it- I went to the hospital and I hurt, but I'm ok and he was like hmmmm.... I had no idea what he meant until I got to the storage yard yesterday to sign it over to the insurance. WOW, It was really pretty bad. The last time I saw it was the morning of the accident and I was in shock and hurt and I didn't pay much attention. I knew it had some damage, some major damage and I was PRETTY sure it was totalled - but I had no idea ...

The good news is they gave me within $40 of what I owe on it ... which if you know me, you know I've had all kinds of cars and trucks in my short driving life and I always roll the balance of one into the other - and now that I'm older I know that's a stupid thing to do. Makes no money sense at ALL ... but I figured I was way upside down on the truck, but since I've had this one the longest- five years almost, I had gotten to the point where I owed what it was worth. WHAT A RELIEF! I thought I was going to owe some residual to the bank.

I looked for the other car out there and I didn't see it- so I'm hoping they took it to a shop to fix. It was a Range Rover and it was pretty much like hitting a tank. I'm hoping his isn't totalled and we still don't know who's fault it was yet - so waiting for that ... BUT at least I know the truck isn't going to cost me any money, I signed it over and can look for a new car next week when everyone is out wheeling and dealing ...

The moral of this story is: Wear Your Seat Belts Kids! I am positive it saved my life.

Here ya go .... pictures peppered in this post of what I walked away from ...

Kah

Recovering

Hey All ...

So sorry. I've been hopped up on pain killers and muscle relaxers. I haven't felt much like posting or even logging on. The bumps and bruises are healing, but my head is not. It's been EIGHT days and Allstate has STILL not looked at my vehicle or the other guys ... and I am SO worried ...

He says it was my fault and I say it was his, the investigation has not yet begun - they have to wait ten days for the police report to come out. The police report says it was my fault, but Allstate has assured me they do not take that at face value, they investigate.

So with being in pain, I have also had to deal with daily phone calls to them checking on status. So far, nothing and Christmas is two days away - I bet nothing will be done until at least Monday ...

Today I had a bit of a scare. I was driving to work (in my rental) and I started seeing stars and halos around the lights of other cars. I got into work and turned on the computer and it was like being drunk. I called my dad and since he works at a hospital he went to get a doctor and it was determined I am VERY sensitive to the muscle relaxers. I took one at nine PM last night and I think it finally wore off sometime this afternoon. Apparently Norflex has a half life. So when you take the second dose the first one is still in there working. I thought I was going to be ill this morning but all seems to be going well.

Then on the way home, Enterprise Rentals calls and tells me I have to return the car, Allstate will no longer pay for it. UM, WHAT?! So I have to pull over and gain control of myself and we got to the bottom of it. Apparently, every four days Allstate has to renew it with the rental company or they make you bring it back.So they renewed it for me, but I am still suffering the heartburn that call caused me.

AH, the things I am learning.

I am ok, I am alive- but I am frustrated beyond belief and worried about the outcome of the investigation- and yes, Conrad is being a dear. He listens when I cry, he cheers me up when I get down, he speaks sense to me, cooks when I just can't seem to make myself do it - and all manner of other things. He's a prince. It's good to be part of a team.

Kah

Aftershock

I'm not doing too good. Every time I close my eyes I see his truck coming at me and I feel all over again the impact. Every part of my body hurts - being sore is an understatement. The only thing that wasn't hurt is my face - everything else is killing me.

I am so upset and so depressed and I feel so stupid. I have no idea yet who's fault the wreck was or how much this is going to cost me. I called today and upped my liability because apparently I only carried what is necessary in Texas ... and um, he had a Land Rover. So if his car it totalled and it's my fault- I have no idea what I'm going to do. I am hoping hoping that's it not and it just needs a lot of work ... my truck, I have a feeling is a goner. The entire front is smashed in - and with the age and milage, they may just total it out. What a pain to have to find a new car.

Oh and speaking of a new car, getting into the rental and driving to work is almost more than I can stand. I just sat in the bedroom sobbing this evening because it took everything I had to get back into a car this morning ... I honestly think I am going to have an anxiety attack when I even see it. I drove white knuckled into work and breathing heavy all the way home. Getting up tomorrow and leaving is almost more than I can think about.

I have some serious post traumatic stress ...

Kah

Wreck

Hey All ...

I totalled my truck this morning- won't know for sure until I heard from the adjuster, but from the looks of it, I'd say it was a goner. The entire front is torn off, it was leaking, heaadlights on the ground ... quite a site.

I was t-boned in an intersection this morning on the way to work. Pretty much a head on hit. We spent five hours in the ER this morning and now I'm at home, resting.

Pretty banged up- they were checking for internal damage, but I appear to be ok, My first CAT Scan was today! My left leg is a mess, my right foot is hurt - skin on my left arm was taken off by the airbag, fingernails broken, a big bruise on my belly and chest from the seat belt and a nice big purple bruise on my neck, chest and collar bone from the airbag. I feel like I'm 100 years old. The only thing spared was my face.

Oh well I am ok- the other guy is ok - and now maybe I will go ahead and get that fuel efficient car I've been thinking I need. I don't know if the truck will be paid off or not, I owe more than it's worth- like everyone else ... but at least I'm alive.

I saw my life flash before my eyes and I will never forget the sound the cars made when they met or the jarring my body got or the smoke and the powder (from the airbag) and the feeling I had when I thought the other guy wasn't ok and wasn't getting out of his truck. I really thought he was dead for a minute or two. But he was fine- he walked away and I think went into the office . I took 80% of the brunt force of it.

Please pray for us both that we recover quick, that both our cars are maybe not totalled and that everything will be ok. Pretty wild day.

Oh but hey- I got some morphine! It's NICE ...

Kah

Happy Birthday Conrad

Yesterday was our Conrad's birthday!

He's the big 34.

I took a half day and came home to get the house set up for his birthday. Decemeber has to be the WORST birthday month EVER - so I try to make his birthday day all about the birthday. Blanca and I hung signs on his mirror so he could see them when he woke up. I came home and did the cake thing- and got his present wrapped. We then we out to dinner. YUM-O!!!! AND I am pleased to report that I cooked for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS before the birthday dinner. So I was good and ready to get out and get waited on - and it was a fabulous dinner ... we found this place a few months ago and this was only our second time there ever. I didn't even turn the Christmas tree on it was ALL about the birthday yesterday. Ok well- I DID buy Santa cupcakes at the store, but that's ok.

We had a nice time - and this weekend have no real concrete plans so that's good. Probably just wrap presents all weekend- drink hot chocolate and eggnog, gain about 10 pounds and watch Dallas Cowboy football on Sunday night. YAY!

Kah

Snow, PJ's, Country and Western Music

Sound like a backwoods, hillbilly vacation? (... and HEAVEN to me)
But alas, it's just the topics for today's post.

First- snow. We have SNOW in Houston tonight. It's been snowing all day actually. Not much accumulation - but big, fat flakes coming down hard. It's awesome ... and the first snow here in four years. It's so cold, I pulled out my coat and gloves this morning.

Second- PJ's. I want to know something. I am the Queen of PJ bottoms. I love them. Fleece, T Shirt, capri, long, whatever - when I get home the first thing I do is get into my PJ's. I remember many moons ago I was dating someone who actually had a problem with this. It was a long time ago- but I think he sat me down and basically told me I was a slob and should dress better and my thought was it's MY house, it's SATURDAY- why do I have to dress up to sit around the house? GET OUT ... but now I am wondering why in the summer when I wear my capris ones made out of t-shirt material, I can not SLEEP in them? I have to take them off and go with only a T shirt ... but in the winter, when I am wearing my black fleece with Christmas trees, these babies come INTO bed with me. SO COMFY. On the weekends sometimes I get up, take a shower and put them right back on. Do you think this is a problem? Thank God most nights Conrad can be found in his sweatpant bottoms as well. We are not dress up at home people.

Third- country and western music. Notice I did not say COUNTRY music, which is what it's called today. I recently discovered an XM station called Roadhouse and it's all country music from the 60's and 70's. I am SO in love with it. I never liked it - it always seemed depressing and twangy- but lately on the way home, I have been really digging on it ... I mean Johnny Paycheck, Patsy Cline, George Jones, Tammy Wynette- SHUT UP they do some good stuff. I mean Dolly and Porter. HELLO. I feel sort of hip and cool and like I've discovered some unearthed jewel that nobody knows about, except for maybe my dad ... I sit in the car and I cheer these people ON- I tell Tammy Wynette "Heck YEAH! STAND BY YOUR MAN!" ... and I say to Patsy Cline "Girl I KNOW. I've been CRAZY too ..." and George Jones- "Sweet Lord - I stopped Loving her today ... I understand ... I totally do" .

Let me just say if you are Carrie Underwood, Faith Hill, Shania Twain and you are a "cross over" artist this is not a good thing. You can not be both a pop star AND a country music star. I place the blame for the transition of Country and Western music to just plain country squarely on the shoulders of Marie Osmond with her "Paper Roses" crap, I mean what is a paper rose?! ...and you know who else- those Judds ... with their stupid songs about "Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days" ... or "Mama he's crazy- crazy over me ..." - come on Judd's ... LOVE can build a bridge? No- it can't ... engineers can, but love CANNOT - you hear me Naomi? Wynona? CRAP! All CRAP ... they have singlehandedly led to the downfall of country and western music- like my daddy's style.

I can still hang with Reba and Randy Travis and George Straight- but I am so not down with the Taylor Swift's or the Rascall Flats or the GOD FORBID, so super "country" Keith Urban who is from AUSTRALIA- I mean COME ON. It's now Country and Western old school for me - I am totally digging it .. totally ... I can't wait to see dad again so we can sing a few George and Tammy duets together. I'm totally going to practice.

XM Roadhouse- channel 10

Kah

Close

We are THIS close to calming down and enjoying Christmas. Next year the goal will be to reach this goal by Thanksgiving.

We have two more presents to buy and we are DONE - we need to wrap them too - but the FL and SC presents were mailed yesterday. YAY! Conrad's birthday is Thursday- that will be a busy day. I won't say why HERE since he reads this- but it will be a busy day. Then Saturday night we have a party and then our obligations are pretty much done. From there on out, relaxation- I hope.

I am talking cookies, eggnog, Christmas tunes and Christmas movies. I am going to try to do that the last two weeks of the season OH and torture Conrad about what I have gotten him and trying to get him to tell me what he got me. HE HE

Secret Santa at work is next week too. Last year I had my boss- this year is someone else, but I am SO excited. I worked really hard on her gifts and I hope she likes them. I really enjoy playing Santa more than getting things - I like to put the time into the thought of it. Also we only have a $30 limit, so you have to be WAY creative to squeeze three fabulous present out of that. It's so much fun!!! As soon as it's over I can tell ya what I did. YAY!

Ok- that's all for tonight. I'm really sleepy today for some reason- rain today and then a cold front coming in tonight. They say there's snow in Dallas tonight.

Kah

Productive Weekend

This is the first weekend in a long time where I think we were both productive AND we relaxed.

Friday night started with a nice dinner out- early to bed.

Saturday we woke up and split up- each off to do some Christmas shopping. Conrad suggested we go at it alone. I went to Target where I finished up for my Florida family and I think he went to the mall. I went to the grocery store and got lots of yummies. I had SO slacked off in the cooking department. I think we ate out for two weeks straight.

Saturday night I cooked a dinner I saw on 30 Minutes Meals and it was YUM-O then we did the agreed upon split. He watched his games and I watched my long awaited Netflix movie- Stardust. I swear I've had the thing a year ...

Sunday we got up, I made pigs in a blanket and we headed off to see Four Christmases. I seriously could not tell you when we last laughed that hard. Vince Vaughn is SO awesome- SO funny ... it was the highlight of the weekend and a movie scratched off my list. YAY! We are buying this movie and it's going to be a must see every year like Elf and Christmas Vacation. Totally a new classic.

Sunday night some more awesome cooking- a TERRIBLE Cowboy game and then I read some of a new book I got from the library. I also wrapped ALL of the FL and SC people's presents, and boxed them up. Today I took them to the shipping place. ALL DONE!

I have one more gift to get for C-rad this week and I am DONE! I am going to see Nutcracker with one of my friends from work and now, here on the week of the 8th I can finally enjoy my Christmas season. We also got the tree up and it's been fun to look at.

Now begins the wrapping of the TX families gifts and Conrad's.
UGH

GOOD TIMES!

Kah

KICKED

Conrad took great offense to my blog post yesterday- he's afraid that all the readers will think he's a bad shopper ... and I told him nonsense. He teased me some more and then he said "Oh I've thought of one more thing to add to my Christmas list - a wife beater. But I can add my own stains, right?" He's so funny ...

When I got home last night I actually had more energy than I had all week. I attribute this to getting home and instead of plunking on the couch, I kept moving. I washed some pots and I started the dishwasher- clipped coupons from last Sunday's paper, etc - so by the time Conrad got home, I was still awake and functioning. YAY! The week after a holiday is HARD.

So we were in the kitchen kidding around and I was doing some high kicks. No matter what I do (activity wise) or don't do, no matter how old I get, no matter what I weigh I have always always been able to go high kicks. So I was messing around in the kitchen pretending to kick Conrad and he said "I bet you can't hit my face" ... and if you know us, we act like we're 5 so of course I said "Oh yeah? I bet I can" and so on - so I was warming up, and getting ready - I took a deep breath, pulled my leg back, released the kick and kicked my poor sweet baby doggie right in the face. The only thing I remember is hitting something soft and WAY low on the ground and hearing a muffled "RaaaaafPHpTTT" .. as she was struck. Um, WHOOPS!

She's ok, she's fine. I didn't even get her hard- I think I got her on the downswing - and I barely grazed her- it just startled all of us. I felt SO BAD- but she looked fine. I offered her a cookie as an apology and she ran to get it- this morning she seemed ok too. WOW- I forget we have to look out for the little ones when we're roughhousing. I should have known- a few minutes before the Face Plant Incident of 2008, Conrad and I were in the kitchen dancing- to an imaginary song. You know, just to see who could look the coolest/most ridculous and she was in the kitchen weaving all around us. I should have looked. SORRY B!

She is so funny- this morning she got up and I watched her in the mirror while I was getting dressed. She sits up straight and arches her neck and head up towards the ceiling, EVERY morning, while she stretches and shakes. Then she walks sleepily to the edge of the bed and lowers her head- which means RUB ME- and she got her morning rub ... I massage around her head, neck and shoulders. We go out- and then she walks me to the door ... and later on , when her daddy gets up- she goes to the ottoman where he puts on his shoes - she tells him I didn't rub her and she gets another one. SNEAKY!

Kah

Marital Christmas Shopping

I guess I had this picture in my head of what marital Christmas shopping would be ... well, two pictures.

1) It could be like the Wizard of Oz- all chipring birds and rainbows. We would skip down the aisles of Target together holding hands, seeing the PERFECT gift- giving each other identical, sappy smiles and racing with delight to put it in our cart. Running out to the truck in the snow and stopping for hot chocolate on the way home. VOMIT

2) Version two is Conrad saying "I'm married. I don't have to do JACK. Take care of it" - and me spending weekend after weekend coming home all sweaty and haggard looking like death, dragging in piles and piles of gifts while he sits on the couch completely zoned out- wearing a yellowed wife beater and holding an empty beer can.

Well it turns out, it's not either one.

I start shopping VERY early- I'm talking summer. So by the time the season rolls around I only have a small little bit to pick up - Conrad starts on December 23rd and it drives me INSANE. We are often driving to Dallas with me asking when he plans to get so and so's gift and he offhandedly tells me there's a Wal-Mart in Greenville, he'll get it there. I CAN NOT HANDLE IT!!!!

This being our first year of marital bliss, I handled what I handled- picked up things I saw here and there and last weekend I gave him a list of what was left. I put the person's name and what to get. That's his job - he has his 1/2 - and I've been waiting for him to be OFF TO THE RACES with it! The list is still laying in a bowl in the kitchen.

I went to him last night and asked him if we would be Christmas shopping this weekend. With what can only be described as disbelief he looked at me and in all seriousness said, "Karyn, this is a BIG weekend for College Football" ... ok, first of all, I've heard this before. It's starting to sound like a broken record. Texas/OU was big - the FL/ LSU game was huge - he could not go to the airport with me one Saturday night to pick up my daddy because Texas Tech and Texas were playing- and finally, this past Thanksgiving when Texas destroyed A&M- also a HUGE day in college football. I said "Yeah RIGHT" ... and he said, "No, it's the SEC and Big 12 Championships" - well CRAP, I'm no fool. Those ARE big games in College Football- so I said, "Well the Cowboy game is at 3 on Sunday. WHEN are we going to shop???" - I mean, are we REALLY having a standoff about football- both with their own agenda? Oh yes, we are. I am NOT missing the Cowboy game unless I'm on a gurney in the back of an ambulance - and if I miss it, someone ELSE will be on a gurney in the back of an ambulance.

FINALLY- we came to an agreement. I am tired these days. DOG tired. It was agreed that he could hijack the TV in the living room for his precious games and I will lock myself in our bedroom with Christmas movies, the Lifetime Channel, my dog and my PJ's- with some hot chocolate and a big bag of marshmellows- left to cry along with all the Hallmark movies I want to - and on Sunday we will shop, eat lunch out and come back in time for the Cowboy game.

Teamwork, at it's best.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Kah

Motivation

I need some Christmas Spirit- motivation!

I am having such a hard time purchasing those last few gifts. I guess because Thanksgiving was late this year, Christmas sort of snuck up on me. I didn't do cards this year, although I wanted too ... I didn't put up a tree yet ... I'm not done shopping. All I've done is drink hot chocolate and listen to carols. This weekend I've gotta get DONE!

I am getting the presents DONE. I am mailing the ones I need to - to SC and FL. I am putting up the tree, and going to rent Fred Claus ... I just have to get into the spirit.

I think the losing my friend thing just killed my mojo. Maybe I can get it back.

We do have Secret Santa coming up, our Christmas luncheon at work (the Christmas party was canceled), a few parties outside of work to attend, some shopping with friends and I intend to start baking here soon. Oh and Conrad's birthday next week. We have some fun stuff coming up.

Kah

For the Record

Sunday night MTV premiered the Britney Spears documentary, For the Record. She had it come out two days before (today) her record dropped ... I TIVO'd it and last night had a chance to watch it.

As you know, I'm not really a Britney FAN but I was really looking for some explanation from her about what the heck HAPPENED. How do you have all that money, and access to so many things the rest of us don't and you just go completely and totally crazy. She could have FLOWN a head shrink to some far corner of the world to be at her beck and call for a month ...

I didn't really get any answers, although the show was entertaining. When the show came on they said that "questions were asked, all were answered and it was no holds barred". I think the last day of filming was like November 6th of this year. Less than a month ago. At NO TIME did they ever ask or did she ever mention the fact that she doesn't have her kids. I REALLY want to know what makes Kevin Federline DAD OF THE YEAR and makes her such a bad mom. In order to lose your kids to K-Fed, you have REALLY dropped the ball. I DID learn that he left her- I thought it was the other way around. Apparently not. He got what he wanted- somewhat famous and $20K a month in child support for the next 17 years and I think like $350K with the divorce. He completely and totally used her. JERK. I know some Kevin Federline's myself.

The hour BEFORE this aired they had like a "Top Ten MTV Moments with Britney" show and all she asked was "are they going to show last year's?" ... honey that's the first question I would have asked too ... you know, when she wore that bikini thing and WALKED around the stage instead of danced ... and how it was the talk of all of us for WEEKS. Well, they didn't show that- but at least she is somewhat rational now and knows that wasn't her best career move. They actually gave her an option of a corset vs bikini. She took the bikini. BAD MOVE. First of all, in the months before she had shaved her head and it had not grown back yet. She is a brunette, so I'm not really sure why she choose platinum blonde extentions with an inch of black showing through ... but I am also not sure why you choose a bikini when you have given birth to two kids almost EXACTLY one year from each other AND you have recently been photographed, ONLY been photographed either with a mouthful of cheetos or clutching a bucket of KFC.

I mean, listen, if I review the following month's worth of pictures of me and in all of them I'm either holding a taco or a bucket of chicken there is a PROBLEM - and I would chose the corset. They are much more forgiving. Britney is still young- that chicken hadn't hit her butt yet- she could have totally played it off. *SIGH* but alas, she did not. If I were her, I would have been concerned about MTV pulling that little performance out of the archives as well.

Anyway, it was worth the hour watch I guess- but no big secrets were forthcoming. Disappointing ...

Kah

Welcome Back

I hope everyone had a good holiday.

I'm still recovering- I guess from lots of things, not really in the mood to post much today.

Came back to a LOT of work, which is great news- so I'm going to focus on getting that done today and work on a better post for tomorrow. I still need some time to gather my thoughts ...

I had a nice Thanksgiving though and I hope you did too. I have a lot to be thankful for and need to be more focused on being happy about the good things.

I am WAY ready for Christmas and turned on the all Christmas music station on the way to work. I intend to make this a GREAT month, very Christmasy- lots of holiday music, cookies and hot chocolate.

Until tomorrow ...

Karyn

Getting Angry

Well, I've had my few days of sadness and feeling sorry for myself and being down. Now I'm just plain MAD. I've never known her to be so cruel ... at least it gives me energy.

I can not BELIEVE all my calls have been unanswered. All my emails have been unanswered. I KNOW she reads this blog- it has not moved her. You are just being so super ugly ... I can't even believe it. Please stop reading and just go away. That's what you wanted anyway. Conrad has told me to stop posting about it - because if she DOES read here, then it just fuels the drama. If something always has to be happening with her, then me being upset and posting it all over cyberspace is probably feeding it. I took her off my Myspace and deleted the # from my phone. Good closure for now.

My desire to continue the friendship is gone. I've known since my first post that I wasn't going to be ABLE to continue it - but now I don't WANT to and that's a good turning point for me.

Well, we get early release today- 2:30 - so I'm looking forward to that. The roads were all but empty this morning. I was moving slow, stopped to get gas and STILL got here five minutes early today. Normally those two things would have caused me to be an hour late.

I heard an interesting program this morning about Lyme Disease - did you know it's somewhat connected to Alziehimer's? Yes - they took ten brains of Alziehimer's patients and found Lyme Disease in 8 of them. SCARY STUFF! We should all read up on it as much as we can. But sadly, it's one of those diseases that hasn't been heavily researched and they don't know much about. Maybe some relaxing Thanksgiving reading for you?

HAHA just kidding.

Happy Turkey Day from Texas.

Kah

Being Reminded

Well, I must have SOME good friends. :)

I was reminded yesterday via email, the blog and in person that I do have people who care for me. First of all my sister in law posted a very sweet comment which helped a lot. Sometimes I forget we can consider family our friends too ... Mikel is a dear friend to me ... and not only that, we're family now, so she'll be with me forever.

Then I went to lunch with my friend Tosha and I filled her in on why I was so down. She's a wise woman! She told me that as we get older, we realize we have less of the "One BFF forever" thing going on and more like three or four close friends ... and she is TOTALLY right. I counted on my hand right there who I considered my five closest friends to be. Really, six (I have a new one!) ... and she said see Karyn, God has already blessed you and you didn't even know it.

Then I got back from lunch and had a very encouraging email from my buddy Tracy - who said the same thing as Tosha. She listed out all of her closest friends and what each one of them meant to her and I was one of them.

My "best friend" may have gone her own way, abandoned me or whatever - but I'm not alone ... and of course, we can not forget Mr Conrad - he's been a prince through this as well. When I was so upset, he was even throwing out ideas of me inviting girls over on Saturdays so I can "get away from him and Blanca" ... and while it would be AWESOME to have a girls Saturday one day soon I would never ever want to get away from him or Blanca. They are my life. I'm lucky to have a husband who underdstands.

So even though you are ALL my friends - I want to send out a special shout out to my closest confidants - the people who have always been there, who consider me a good friend and special to them. To people who love me and have told me recently.

Here's to Conrad ... the sweetie
and my gal pals- Tracy, Darlene, Toni, Carolyn, Tosha and my newest addition- Sherry.

Thanks for being there, listening and caring about me.

Happy Thanksgiving week.

Kah

I've Lost My Best Friend

What a difficult post and I've been putting off writing it for what seems like ever. But now it has become abundantly clear that I've lost my best friend. My best friend of 15 years.

We've had a couple of breaks - two that I can remember really. One was for four years and the break was because one friend chose family and one was still a swinging single ... and the two lives did not mesh. There was no "THIS IS IT" talk, we just drifted away ... until I got older, more settled and sent a Christmas card and opened those lines of communication back up.

Break two was about a month before I moved to Houston and lasted one year. This one, I don't really take responsibility for. She was going through a lot with her family and I somehow got invoved, she was upset with me, believed I said or did something maliciously which I did NOT and then stopped talking to me. I was also moving to Houston to start my life with Conrad and I think she felt abandoned to some degree ... with the move came money issues, finding a job, selling my house and getting a whole new life. There was enough drama in there to go on Broadway and I could not deal with anymore. So I let it go. Somewhere within that year was a phone call (not sure by who) and we started back up again.

My best friend is beautiful inside and out, generous, loving and funny as all get out. I miss her deeply and I think she loves and cares about me- but there's one thing that bothers me ... and I don't even know if she reads here anymore ... if she does, she's going to get mad and feel attacked but after what I've been through I find it hard to dredge up sympathy ... my friend sort of either THRIVES on drama OR it seems to find her ... she's a beautiful soul and I can't figure out why she can't be happy. Maybe it comes easy to me, but it hasn't always ...I believe in working hard for what I have and that includes happiness and peace and my friend has been so beat down by life sometines, I think she lacks the energy to find it. And that's ok - I listen. I give advice. I pray and care for her- but now the drama has been brought into MY life and I find that unacceptable.

My best friend has not spoken to me since September and I have NO idea why. I have emailed, I have called, I have left messages, I've emailed again. Something terrible could have happened- she could have left her husband, she could have lost her grandmother, she could have had her home damaged in a storm. I really don't know. I don't WANT to think bad things, but there's no other reason for her to go into a hole like this.

I called the day before her birthday, I've emailed- I've sent messages on Myspace, I've done everything I know to do short of driving three and a half hours to her house. I don't know what else to do! I can't think of WHAT could have caused this. The only thing I come up with is that during the hurricane we stayed near her house and did not call- but if you were a reader of this blog then you know we had no water, no electric and no gas in the city of Houston. We drove as far as we could to get to where we could get internet and work and we worked. We did not even tell Conrad's parents, who were down the street, where we were. If you didn't live through this storm you have NO IDEA ... we showered, slept and worked. Then we went back after less than two days - becayuse both of our offices were back up and running even if our house was not. We did not go to Dallas for social reasons and EVERYONE else has understood that. Maybe my friend understood too- I don't know, SHE WON'T TALK TO ME. I even posted here after the hurricane that I was so upset because certain people had not even called to check on us- she was one of them. I mean we had no food, no water, no gas to get anywhere. It was like living in hell and she didn't even call to see if we were ok. That was my first inkling something was wrong ... and no call back for her birthday. ONE returned email that was terse and to the point ... and now finally on Friday I emailed her one last time and said YOU ARE HURTING ME. No reply. I guess she does not care.

I think about this when I get up, when I'm in the shower, when I'm at work, when I drive home, before I go to sleep. ALL THE TIME and it's not fair and now it's become mean and cruel and I am DONE. I am done with the breaks. I am done with the precieved misdoings that I would never ever do on purpose. I am taking my cue from Conrad and trying to live a good, content, drama free life. I know when and if the email DOES come, the reason will be something *I* did and I can not bear it ... because I know in my heart I did nothing wrong.

If you still read here and I think you do- then here's my final message: I love you my friend- and the last time I told you the truth you stopped speaking to me for a year. Here is another truth - you have to find someway to live in peace or you will destroy yourself. You have to find a way to get past your mom, your dad, your husband, your jobs, everything. I do not believe the world is out to get YOU or anyone else. Life just isn't fair plain and simple. Maybe you've had more tough calls than anyone else, maybe you haven't ... But you do have a duty to try to live a good life for you and your kids. I have loved you and been the best friend to you that I know how. This is my first holiday season as a married woman and I will not let this ruin it, doggone it. We deserve better than that ... but inside I am so ANGRY because I can't believe you are doing this to me when you KNOW it's my first year to be married, my first holiday season to be married, my first year with Conrad- who you said I was so lucky to have. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs THANKS FOR NOTHING. You were supposed to be HERE, but WHERE ARE YOU? ... and how dare you leave me?

I have reached out and been rejected. I am not trying to make this all about me, but you won't talk, so all I have is myself. Conrad's sensibleness says to let it go, so I am ... I can't do this anymore. I hope something terrible has NOT happened because if it has and you have not let me be part of it, I will be heartbroken - but you can't hurt me anymore. I can't let you. I don't understand ... I have to do what my daddy says and put you in a box on a shelf and not take you down for awhile, or maybe ever ... because every time I open it, I get smacked in the face with it.

I owe it to my God, my husband and me to have a good life ... and sometimes that means letting go.

I let you go.

Karyn

Chili's

Finally a good dinner, YAY!

We decided on Chili's ... a big fat burger sounded good to me. I've been hungry for three days ...

So we get to Chili's and this was the conversation:

Menus arrive
K: Do you want an appetizer?
C: Sure, which one do you want?
K: Nachos or Spinach Dip
C: I'd prefer the nachos.
K: Ok (closing menu)
C: What are you getting?
K: Southern Burger
C: I think I'm going to get the buffalo chicken sandwich. I haven't had that in awhile.
K: You know, they have the buffalo chicken sliders.
C: Really? WHERE?
K: (shows Conrad on the menu)
C: Those look good
K: They are, I've had them.

WAITER APPROACHES

K: We'll have the nachos for an appetizer and I'll have the Southern Burger with ranch on the side
C: I'll have a chicken caesar salad

Ok, SERIOUSLY!? Why do people do this? I looked at him across the table and he just grinned at me and said sorry, I changed my mind. In 3 seconds? WOW ... but it was funny. Just completely not what I expected to come out of his mouth. The waiter just laughed. I'm sure he sees that all the time ...

Then I went home and had a nice long bubble bath. I put in the peppermint bubbles. It's SO funny to me- Bath and Bodyworks sells these Christmas kits- with peppermint, sugar cookie, vanilla noel and gingerbread. You GIVE them to people FOR Christmas but the next day, Christmas is over. I don't know about you- but I'm not down with a gingerbread bath in February. So I normally put these away and then pull them out the week before Thanksiving and have a VERY happy month leading up to Christmas. Then I put on my Christmas tree fleece PJ's and had a very relaxing evening.

YAY me! I guess I got through that two day tunnel of darkness ... and emerged on the other side. Just in time to greet the people of my neighborhood tomorrow for our garage sale.

Kah

Well ...

Dinner was a bust again.

I do not KNOW what my problem is. Conrad said it was fine, but I thought it was gross. The pizza rolls were just a bad batch, in my opinion. The salad dressing I used was awful- honey french. I thought it would be sweet and nice. It was disgusting. I got up and threw the whole thing in the trash.

I had decided that maybe we should try to MAKE our Christmas money - we are doing GREAT sticking to a budget, but what if we try to earn the money in other ways than our daily jobs. So we are having a garage sale this weekend and I am hoping we make enough to cover the rest of the Christmas purchases ... wish us luck! So when dinner was awful, I just got up and started going through closets and pricing stuff ... by 9:30 I was starving, so I went to Wendy's to get a chicken wrap and small fry.

OMG, calling it food is NICE. It was swill- absolute pig slop. Those fries had been sitting there at LEAST an hour. I got so upset - I just went to bed. As I was ranting and railing, Conrad calmly sat in the living room working on his sodoku - that poor boy. I told him to avoid ANY scenes or incidents, we are going out tonight. I'm not happy about spending the money since the economy is scaring me - but clearly I need a break in the kitchen. Things are not going well. I lost my mojo or something ...

As for the economy, news came today that a recession IS imminent and will last until 2010. How fun. We can all worry about our jobs for another two years, watch our home values fall and try to figure out ways to eat. I CAN NOT WAIT. Sounds fabulous - the sure fire way to lose weight... also fertile ground to which to have a heart attack induced by stress. AWESOME.

I hope those Big Three CEO's had a nice comfy ride back home yesterday to Detroit in their nice private jets. I heard the hangars are so nice they can keep their cars in there - so when they get off the plane they can just get in their cars and drive away- good way to avoid the winter and the reporters. JERKS.

Kah

Ruined

Last night I ruined dinner. When I ruin dinner, you can kiss the entire evening goodbye. Maybe I didn't RUIN it - but it's time to stop attempting with the stupid homemade pizzas. It was awful.

I had a crust I had gotten with my coupon- I had some spaghetti sauce I had gotten for free and some hamburger and cheese. I LOVE hamburger pizzas and I love the pizza they have at Papa John's that tastes like spaghetti sauce. When *I* make it, it's soggy and gross and weird.

So I got upset and told Conrad I was a bad wife and a bad cook and stomped off. He tries to convince me that the 5-6 dinners (chicken spaghetti, alfredo, mexican chicken cassarole, etc... )I have ruined in two years are nothing compared to the 400 great dinners I've made. WHATEVER. Men don't understand. It was a direct hit to my pride AND my budget ... AND we used the last trash bag throwing the thing away- so now I have to buy more. Grrrrrrr .... so he got irritated with me and went outside and I sat there and stewed about it- for various reasons ... Later on, since he refused to eat if I didn't - I ordered a pizza. The order was taken by a trainee. It was difficult to order with her because she had someone talking over her shoulder the entire time and all I heard was ... "Large, thin crust- WAIT ... ok, um large pizza with pepperoni and so now do you want the ... WAIT - HEY! What in the deal tonight? Chicken Wings? Ok - um, do you want the large pizza one topping with chicken wings for $16.99 ?" It was a NIGHTMARE. She was obviously "like" a um, "like" a teenager. UGH!

And of course, when the order was delivered, it was wrong ... I was so upset. I just stood there clenching and unclenching my fists. But we had to eat it. It was late, I had paid for it- I didn't want to call up there to get a new one and run the risk of them spitting in or something. So I just called the manager and told him that I was unhappy and I wanted a pizza comped for next time and he said no problem ... and put it in our account. Next time I guess we get hungry and don't feel like cooking- we'll get a free pizza - but REALLY we just get one for half price. I mean I still paid for this thing neither one of us really ate last night. ICK.

So the night was just ... interesting I guess .. not one of our best.

When I ruin dinner, I REALLY ruin dinner- the vestiages of my mood stretch out to even the pizza joint down the street. I'm powerful.

Kah

Scary ...

Does anyone else feel like "times" are scary right now? Just in general?

I listen to XM 156 Oprah and Friends on the way to work. Gayle King's show was about the Citibank layoffs today. They are laying off 20% of thier workforce. That is CRAZY. Gayle said we need to look at the faces, the people, the families behind all the "numbers". So she invited people to call in who had been laid off ... to share their stories. Boy did they!

Very sad ... very scary times.

You know it's happened to me before. Twice ... once when I was young and I found Pro Pac a few weeks later- turning into a ten year job ... and once, briefly when I left Pro Pac for a new opportunity ... the second was WAY more scarier and WAY more personal ... and I did ok. It never really occured to me to file for unemployment- I just went out and got a temp job then a contract job ... and that's when Conrad and I made the decision for me to move to Houston. It ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me. What I thought was devastating turned out to be a really awesome thing.

I'm scared again ... because I'm hoping the entire economy doesn't collapse. I'm hoping we can sell our house one day. I'm hoping my family and friends and WE will be ok ... I'm hoping that gas stays low and the food prices come down. It's a VERY scary time ... all we can do is pray and try our best to help out where needed. I'm still not sure what that means. I don't know if it means we spend more money and stimulate the economy or we stockpile money. I just don't know.

Right now, I'm going status quo with a few new twists. We save money everypay day and these are the other things we're doing.

* We put a budget on Christmas and are sticking to it. I did a lot of "crafts" this year
* We eat out less - I'm trying to cook better, different things (yay cookbooks!)
* I've always garage saled- I'm into getting new stuff for nothing
* I go to the library and I subscribe to Netflix. We don't go out to a lot of movies. I NEVER buy books
* I'm trying to bring lunch more. Leftovers are more often than not GROSS- so I'm trying to bring things I like and satisfy me. But I still splurge some. Although SOME eating in helps than NO eating in
* Paying off bills. The urge to stockpile money is there- but paying interest or having that "bill" hanging over my head doesn't feel good. I'd rather get rid of it. We have one student loan and three other bills- that's it. By the end of the year, I think the student load will be gone as well as one of the bills- Conrad's car is already paid off. When those are done we'll have one car payment and two bills. I feel a LOT better about that.
* Conrad does the yard. He always has. There is no way we're paying anyone to do what takes him 20 minutes.
* I use coupons - and I plan my menus off what I can buy with the coupons. I also stockpile. If chicken broth is 39 cents and it's normally 65 cents- and I only need two cans. I go ahead and get six because I WILL need it.
* I go to the dollar store for olive oil, cleaning supplies, etc, etc- use the $ store, it's awesome!
* Make our own coffee and hot chocolate- and desserts. I can do ALL of that cheaper at home. For me, it's the "experience" ... so I bought some cute coffee mugs etc- so I ENJOY drinking my hot cocoa in my cute polka dot cups. It's the simple things ...
* Our own home repair. With the exception of plumbing, Conrad can fix anything. I am SO LUCKY - he fixes everything himself.

So what are you doing to save money? Make it go farther?

Karyn

Here's What I did

Ok ... so I was going on and on Friday about how to spend money this weekend.

I did get new pants. I bought two pair- one black and one navy. Classic colors, go with everything and will last forever ... I also got a pair of long yoga pants in black with a white stripe. I need SOMETHING to wear on the weekends that aren't sweats. These pants will last me for years ... promise. My capri ones have lasted for four right now. Then I went to Wal-Mart and got a pair of navy sweats (my old ones were over five years old and faded) for $6 - I figured on navy to go with all my Dallas Cowboys sweatshirts ... so there, my winter wardrobe re-vamp is complete!

I did go get my massage. Since I got Graves Disease it hurts to do anything. I can't find anywhere else where the cost for an hour massage is $50 - so it's money well spent and it really DOES help me out- so I went and did that. It was already paid for anyway ...

I also went to the library and stocked up on FREE entertainment and I did a very small amount of Christmas shopping. I found some cute and reasonable clothes for the youngest nephew. I just LOVE kids clothes ... don't want any kids, but I could pick clothes out for them all day. The boys stuff have the cutest cars and boats and trains all over them. Precious ... so I did that ...

I made a big pot roast on Saturday in the crockpot and we went to County Line last night for dinner. Always fun to go back to the scene of our marital vows. :) They have the BEST sausage!!!!

The pot roast turned out great. My secret is a packet of the Lipton onion soup. I always pour that in the with the roast and onions before I add anything else. PERFECTION. Brought some for lunch today.

Happy week before Thanksgiving! GO COWBOYS!

Kah

Confused

Wow, I'm confused. I'm confused about the state of our country and what I'm supposed to do about it.

They tell us to stimulate the economy and things will get better. They are considering ANOTHER stimulus package where we'll all get another $300 and the country will go another trillion dollars into debt. They do this with the HOPE that we all run out to Wal-Mart and buy romance novels, Fritos, beer and some of those inflatable Santa snowglobes you see in people's yards. If it were me, it would go RIGHT into my savings account ..Oh and guess what- that $700 bail out? 1/3 has been spent and um, they're not really sure where it all went ... WOW. .

and now today, it's Friday and the weekend looms out in front of me. I have some options: I need those long pants I've been jarring about, I need a few things from the grocery store to make some yummy winter-time treats I've been seeing in magazines .... I liked this shirt I saw in a catalog the other day- and I need to make my monthly appointment at massage envy ... BUT in my heart - I know my capris will make me just warm enough. No need for long pants this year OR for that awesome shirt I saw in the catalog. We have plenty of food at home and truth be told, I have the makings for pumpkin pie RIGHT in my panrty, RIGHT now- and I could cancel the Massage Envy membership.

Things are SLOW at work. Never seen them so slow. I am on my special project right now - so I'm busy ... but I can look at reports and things and SEE that things are slow. What are they going to do? I don't know. We've been told not to panic. I'm not. But I can't help but wondering if the worst happens, will I be glad I bought that shirt for $29.99 or will I be thinking about the two weeks worth of sandwich makings that could have gotten us? When I get a bonus or my check is a little bigger- I stuff it in my savings account.

So ......... do I help the economy by spending like I always do - or do I prepare for a long, hard, uncertain winter by canceling all the fun stuff, burying my head in a library book and saving money? I really don't know. I'm worried.

I'm confused.

Kah

Weekend Toss Up

Well, so it wasn't just me- Conrad's mom called last night and said half of the family can't make it this weekend- they had made other plans and she still isn't feeling well- that cold got her too! .... so we are disappointed, but we know we will see them soon.

This sort of opens up the weekend I guess and I have NO idea what to do ... I have been wanting to go to the Renaissance Festival and this is really the last weekend we could have done it. I had been planning to go last Sunday when the Cowboys had their BYE week, but then Conrad went to IN that day .... so .... I don't know- maybe we'll go this weekend. Cowboys don't play until late Sunday anyway ... so it's a possibility.

We also may want to do a wee bit o' Christmas shopping. They seem to be having nice sales this weekend- so we can run out and knock out 20% of what's left- which isn't all that much. I love, love, love Amazon.com - I ordered mostly from there this year. One stop shop. I like it! Then we'll just be left with a small number of things.

OH! And yesterday we drew for our Secret Santa at work. Last year, if you remember, I drew my boss which was SCARY- but I did really well. This year I drew someone else, but I know her well, so I don't think it will be a problem. I am SO EXCITED and ready to get on with it- but it doesn't start until December 16th. *sigh* ...

Kah

The Best Laid Plans

Conrad has been in Indianapolis for three days - I never advertise when he's gone because you're not supposed to put such things out in cyberspace. It's like HEY- I'm a woman alone at home- come and get me!!!!

Anyway- he's back and I had SO MANY plans for when he was gone. Some Christmas shopping for him, some closet reorganization ... and none of it really happened. I am so unbelievably stressed out ...

First of all - it's been raining in Houston for two days. When that happens you can COUNT on a 2-2.5 hour commute home. So far, it's been the truth. Also, Conrad's parents and sister and family are coming this weekend - for his dad's birthday. I THINK I've been given some things to do, but it's not really concrete- so I'm ACTUALLY not sure what I should have been doing all this time ... like making reservations, etc- and it doesn't really matter because I have had ZERO time to do it. I am so busy at work with my special project I don't have time to even go on at lunch and research such things. I'm going to have to email his mom today and tell her I've done absolutely nothing combined with Conrad being gone, the rain and work ... and I'm so sorry about that. The thing about Conrad being gone- I'm scared to be alone in the house and I don't sleep. So let's ad ZOMBIE to the mix ... I need things like coffee and toilet paper for the guests and haven't done that either. I've been getting home so late, Blanca has had accidents in the house. I mean I feel like I am at the end of my rope here - there has been no relaxing, no closet cleaning, no girl movies, no ANYTHING for these three days. Just stress, stress, stress.

Conrad called last night and I told him everything that has been going on. Thankfully, he can help me get to the store, Blanca should have no accidents today and if there is rain, I may pull off the road and just go shopping. I did a quick SCAN of the closet at least and I own exactly ONE pair of long pants. How pitiful is THAT?! I do, however have four new bras and five new pairs of underwear. I'm pretty sure they frown on that kind of attire at the office, but they DID say we will have casual Friday's in December- and how much more casual can you get?

Kah

Guilt

More of my Krazy-ness and neurotic behavior for your reading enjoyment!

Usually at the beginning of a season (Houston has two- a 10 month summer and a 2 month winter) I go through my closet and sort of clean it out, re-evaluate, etc ...

and then I am BURDENED with guilt. I am not a waster. I don't like waste - but when I am forced to do it, it depresses me.

Some things have to be thrown out - like, the black capris I wore once a week. They are a sort of weird faded black/gray now. I feel AWFUL about getting rid of them. They are still pants, they have no holes- they do their job, they just look awful ... I'm the kind of person and I HAVE done this, that goes to Wal-Mart for a $1.50 bottle of RIT dye and redyes them so I can get a few more months out of them. I guess that's ok- but sort of sad and REALLY over the top frugal. I have a few tank tops- they were white and they've turned a murky shade of yellow. No amount of bleach will help them. They HAVE to be tossed out, right?! UGH- I hate that!

Then there are the fashion "mistakes" ... the sweaters with the glitter that never makes it past the first washing - the cheap t shirts that stretched out after very little wear ... the pants that looked a lot different once you got them home ... the shoes that HURT and you never wear. THOSE are the things I feel the worst about. I look at them and think "wasted money" ...

But I have committed to myself to go through the closet and every drawer this week - and get rid of everything old, stained, torn, stupid looking, out of date, too big and too small ...

I intend to start over, sort of and really just try to get good quality classic stuff that will survive awhile. No more $3 tank tops from JC Penny's ... no more Wal-Mart shirts that "look cute" ... and don't ... no more shoes I can wear for "just a few hours" ... I will fill the closet with a lot of white, black, navy, gray, red- things that can be interchanged and switched out.

I'm going full out WHAT NOT TO WEAR .... if I can get over the guilt.

Kah

Money Saving Weekend

You want to know something about me? Since my couponing started, I am a FREAK. When our power was out for ten days, of course, we lost everything in the fridge. I have slowly been replacing all the condiments. It's amazing how much money it costs to replace mayo, mustard, ketchup, salad dressing, jelly, butter, hot sauce, picante sauce. The list goes on. So since the power came back on I've replaced things slowly and tried to use as many coupons as I can but on some things it's just not possible- you rarely see them for ketchup, mayo, jalepenos, etc...

HOWEVER French's mustard has them all the time. But at right after the lights came back on, they didn't have one- and they haven't since!!! I just went ahead and bought a small mustard, ketchup and mayo- you know, the basics- paid full price because we needed them. Anyway, this year I REALLY started digging on spicy brown mustard. I think it's DELICIOUS on sandwiches. But I have become such a weirdo I will NOT pay $1.69 for it- ha ha ha. I have been waiting since September 23rd for a coupon and one FINALLY came out on Friday. YAY! $.50 off any French's mustard - Kroger doubles! So I got the mustard (a big bottle too!) for $.69

I am a weirdo because I SURE DID almost wait 6 weeks so I could save a dollar. Pitiful- but well, frugal I guess. I did our shopping Friday night. Total came to $79 - after coupons and the Mega event discounts - I paid $37 --- HA! Beat THAT! That's 2 weeks of dinners and almost all of my lunches- I DO splurge on Berry Hill Tamale days.

Also- do you remember a few posts back- maybe a month ago when I said Conrad was going through his CD's and asked him if he had Nelson, maybe the WORST hair band from the 80's- Ricky Nelson's twin sons- who I love, love love? Remember I have the tape- but we have no tape player- I bought that tape the summer of 1989 and I about wore it out. So I asked Conrad that day if he had the CD and he looked at me with pity and disdain? I haven't heard Nelson in YEARS and I was really disappointed he didn't have it ... Yeah well I happened upon the CD this weekend whilst out garage saling. That's RIGHT! I finally got my Nelson CD. Nary a scratch on it and all for the bargain basement price of $.50 - it may be my best find EVER, on a personal level. I even called Conrad from the truck, Nelson blaring in the background to share the good news. He told me I got ripped off.

Whatever, he doesn't know everything - I have been in Nelson bliss since yesterday. I LOVE YOU MATTHEW AND GUNNER!!!!

Kah

Give me a Break

If you read my post from yesterday, you can see there's a comment there. I have no idea who this person is ... but I start off this blog AGAIN today asking people to be less judgemental. I see from your comment that you are not a "liberal" ... so I assume you didn't vote for Obama. My question to you is, did I EVER say I did? No. I said let's stick to the facts, stop attacking and if you need to look for something good in this, then please look at how wonderful this is for our country, our world and yes, some of our friends..., "This" being making history ... I was VERY educated when I voted and I don't recall EVER saying on here one way or another who I voted for. So very kindly read my blog and reserve judgement or get off. I'm not an idiot. I don't make judgements based on what my "buddies" would like.

I sort of feel like my comments the last few days on this blog have left me feeling like one big, bloody, gaping wound. So many people in my life say I am emotional and sort of over the top. Most of the time it's funny, but I have a hard time sometimes handling bad news ... and I even take situations and stretch them out into the WORST possible scenarios to prepare myself- I can get worked up about NOTHING in 5 seconds flat ... you know what I DO like about Obama? I like his even-keeledness.Conrad has it too and I think life would be so much better for me if I had some of that. My resolution in 2009 should be for me to stop feeling guilty about EVERYTHING, so not be SO high and to not get SO low ... to let comments rolls off my back and stop wearing my feelings on my sleeve.

I'm happy it's Friday. It sort of feels like it's been a whirlwind week. I'm still hacking and coughing, but not as badly as before. We have a nice relaxing weekend up ahead. Kroger has their mega deal back, but this time with the $5 automatic rebate. I've made a list of the things I want to stockpile and I'm happy to say I have a LOT of coupons to go along with it. Should be a nice haul!

I've been put on a special project at work. I have one week of working my desk and the special project- 50/50 and then they have asked me to devote the rest of the month to the project. I actually did VERY well this week and I'm hoping it doesn't take the rest of the month to finish up. I think there is a certain comfort in coming in, sitting at your desk, going through your ritual and doing your job My ritual has been sort of upended and while that's completely fine, it throws me off. I guess I really AM a creature of habit ...

Happy weekend to you all.

Kah

Offensive

Apparently, some people took great offense to my post yesterday- but again I state that this is my blog and I use it to vent and get things out ... sort of an online diary. There were comments made here, and emails sent to my work and my personal email ... emails that I sent out myself to get the conversation going ... and I spent a large part of the day talking with friends and family members about saying what I did ...

But what some people don't get is that the things they were saying, the things I saw on my television ... were offensive to ME. The stupid jokes going around about Obama - like the one about there's been a news release- the lines are too long- all Obama supporters vote onWednesday! .... or the one I got this morning in memo form about how all the people of the country should now report to the cotton fields- signed Obama the Almighty. Those jokes aren't funny TO ME. I can't tell you why. I just know every time I get one in my inbox or one is relayed to me I think it's in poor taste and it's offensive ...

Conrad has caught whatever horrible disease I had last week - and I went out last night to get us dinner. I had stuff at home, but we was sick and had a hankering for something else- so I went out. While I was gone, he logged on to the blog. When I got back he said, "Uh- I did some reading while you were gone". Now I know him and if it's not a Maxim, a NRA publication or a Cigar magazine, he doesn't READ anything ... so I said, "Oh the blog" ... and since Conrad is always a good barometer I asked him what he thought. Was I too harsh? Was I offensive? Etc Etc

......... and he said no. He said the supporters at the John McCain rally who booed and caused a rucus WERE disgusting ... but he also pointed out if Obama had been making a concession speech, there may have been a few at Grant Park who were behaving badly. He said all kinds of people do it and he's right. I'm really only commenting on the people I saw do it ... the people I saw on TV acting a fool ... the people I heard making comments that offended me. I am only commenting on ME and what I saw going on - on Palin's rallies and the things she should have said to stop some of the hecklers who are clearly idiots.

I have a few very very dear black friends who I adore. I saw yesterday that they were SO happy .... it was a victory for them. I'm not saying that's ALL this election was about- but I am saying it's a large part of it. That maybe Obama didn't set out to make history and SHAME on us for taking so long to elect an African American ... but he did make history regardless and it meant something to my friends and to me.

I think the people who stand up and shout that it's payback and that they have EARNED this somehow, etc etc are idiots too ... we have an idiot here in Houston called Quannell X and every time a black man is arrested he's out in the streets making a fuss. One guy had ADMITTED to killing his girlfriend, chopping her to pieces, COOKING her on his BBQ grill and dumping the ashes in the apartment dumpster. Quannell was standing NEXT to the dumpster on TV screaming about African American rights. THAT MAN is an idiot - but he doesn't represent ALL black people ... and I don't care what the election means to him. I care about what it means to my buddies and how they feel so empowered and I care that I got to see it and that now the world sees us as progressive. That, in itself, will help the economy. Don't look at Quannell and see all my friends, just as I hope you don't look at Kid Rock and think he represents all white people. Pa-lease ...

I also got an email yesterday warning me (after my blog was read, this wasn't random) that Michelle Obama is a touch racist herself. To be on the look out for her ... to educate myself ... I don't know. I asked Conrad about it- he said that he knows what she MEANS- that's she's proud to be black and proud of herself for her accomplishments- but he thinks she doesn't voice it very well, that it comes out offensive. So since I am fair and I want to know, I intend to research this ... I will be reading her interviews and watching as many as I can- so I can make up my mind for myself ... I think if it's true, it would be a terrible thing .. but I appreciate the heads up.

Peace,

Kah