Thursday, December 4, 2008

Marital Christmas Shopping

I guess I had this picture in my head of what marital Christmas shopping would be ... well, two pictures.

1) It could be like the Wizard of Oz- all chipring birds and rainbows. We would skip down the aisles of Target together holding hands, seeing the PERFECT gift- giving each other identical, sappy smiles and racing with delight to put it in our cart. Running out to the truck in the snow and stopping for hot chocolate on the way home. VOMIT

2) Version two is Conrad saying "I'm married. I don't have to do JACK. Take care of it" - and me spending weekend after weekend coming home all sweaty and haggard looking like death, dragging in piles and piles of gifts while he sits on the couch completely zoned out- wearing a yellowed wife beater and holding an empty beer can.

Well it turns out, it's not either one.

I start shopping VERY early- I'm talking summer. So by the time the season rolls around I only have a small little bit to pick up - Conrad starts on December 23rd and it drives me INSANE. We are often driving to Dallas with me asking when he plans to get so and so's gift and he offhandedly tells me there's a Wal-Mart in Greenville, he'll get it there. I CAN NOT HANDLE IT!!!!

This being our first year of marital bliss, I handled what I handled- picked up things I saw here and there and last weekend I gave him a list of what was left. I put the person's name and what to get. That's his job - he has his 1/2 - and I've been waiting for him to be OFF TO THE RACES with it! The list is still laying in a bowl in the kitchen.

I went to him last night and asked him if we would be Christmas shopping this weekend. With what can only be described as disbelief he looked at me and in all seriousness said, "Karyn, this is a BIG weekend for College Football" ... ok, first of all, I've heard this before. It's starting to sound like a broken record. Texas/OU was big - the FL/ LSU game was huge - he could not go to the airport with me one Saturday night to pick up my daddy because Texas Tech and Texas were playing- and finally, this past Thanksgiving when Texas destroyed A&M- also a HUGE day in college football. I said "Yeah RIGHT" ... and he said, "No, it's the SEC and Big 12 Championships" - well CRAP, I'm no fool. Those ARE big games in College Football- so I said, "Well the Cowboy game is at 3 on Sunday. WHEN are we going to shop???" - I mean, are we REALLY having a standoff about football- both with their own agenda? Oh yes, we are. I am NOT missing the Cowboy game unless I'm on a gurney in the back of an ambulance - and if I miss it, someone ELSE will be on a gurney in the back of an ambulance.

FINALLY- we came to an agreement. I am tired these days. DOG tired. It was agreed that he could hijack the TV in the living room for his precious games and I will lock myself in our bedroom with Christmas movies, the Lifetime Channel, my dog and my PJ's- with some hot chocolate and a big bag of marshmellows- left to cry along with all the Hallmark movies I want to - and on Sunday we will shop, eat lunch out and come back in time for the Cowboy game.

Teamwork, at it's best.

Merry Christmas everyone.



Tracy said...


Version #2 made me squirt my drink through my nose!!!

Yellowed wife beater... that was classic!

Liz said...

That sounds like my kind of plan. I have the tv in the living room. Thank goodness, or I would NEVER get to watch what I wanted.

Jess said...

I'm glad that both versions turned out to be incorrect! You guys came up with a lovely compromise.