Friday, October 31, 2008


THIS is the universal symbol for choking. When you see someone doing this, you should immediately jump to their aid. CONRAD.

Last evening, I was muching on some beef jerky and very nearly met my death. It's no surprise to anyone here that I have a cold ... since I've been talking about it for a week ... but it's now progressed into that really attractive hacking cough - unpredictable. In mid chew, the coughing came on and a piece of hot n' sweet Jack Links got caught in my windpipe. I immediately jumped up did the universal symbol for choking. Conrad calmly remained in his chair and chewing, just looked at me. I started pointing at my throat and gasping for air, whilst keeping one hand wrapped around my throat to continue trying to communicate that I was choking. Finally as I began to get lightheaded, I used my last little bit of energy to drag myself into the kitchen and lucked out, by washing it down with some lifesaving water. OK WHATEVER- so I didn't exactly drag myself- I ran frantically into the kitchen, gasping and hacking.

After the little scene was over and I had saved my own life, I tried to tell Conrad that THIS symbol means "please help me". He told me that I was NOT choking, since I was still gasping for air. He said that if I WERE choking, I would not have been able to make those sounds... I maintain that HE wasn't the one choking and HE doesn't know everything ... I was in mid-cough when it happened, I think whatever air was in there was just still coming out. Besides who cares about those niggly little details- I almost DIED.

After about 20 minutes I asked him if he would like for me to act out what it would have been like for me to be laying on the floor as the life forces slowly drained out of my body ... and he asked ME if I would like for him to act out his bank account getting fatter. I think he was referring to the new life insurance policies we put on each other.

The point IS, I nearly died last night in my own living room, eating dried meat that I don't even really like. If I was going to choke on something and die I'd hope it was at least something good like a Taco - and I would at least hope I'd be alone and that my dear husband wasn't sitting in his chair just looking at me.

The boy needs a first aid class.



Toni said...

ROFL. OMG. You two were meant for each other. I'm glad your still around. :)

ThriftyDecorChick said...

HA!! I just saw the Everybody Loves Raymond episode about EXACTLY this yesterday -- have you seen that?? It could have been you. :)

The Tomball Three said...

This is Conrad posting.

Well, I feel I should defend myself here. What Karyn left out is that the entire incident lasted about 5 seconds. From first cough to downing and entire glass of water. Yes, choking and almost dying means you can still chug a glass of water. Hence, not actually choking.

Karyn should always say how calm I am in the midst of a situation such as this. My calm analysis of the situation lead me to the conclusion her life was not in danger. If it were I would leapt from my chair saved her.

Then she would of been thankful and I would of gotten lucky that night.