Friday, May 16, 2008


I have the distinct pleasure of talking about babies today.

My cousin in Virginia had a little girl about two weeks ago ... and I have another cousin in Texas who has just found out her baby will be a boy- I think she'd due in October. Of course, we discussed my buddy in Dallas who's having a baby - I think in June- who received the fabulous booties from and now, my sister is talking about procreating.

I think that's fabulous and I thought I'd post here, because I really don't want you to think I'm a baby hater. I'm not. I love babies. I like the way they smell and all the funny things they do ... I think kids are great, I just don't want to BIRTH any myself. I have never had even the slightest desire. I knew from the time I was a tiny kid that I would never be a mother. It's just not in me.

I think people, like my cousins and friends who genuinely want children and try all different methods to have them- be that natural, with some help, adoption, etc ... should go all out. I think it's wonderful. I have a wonderful family myself... and all those people started out as children ... I'm very much looking forward to getting to know my new little cousins and my nieces and nephews and nieces and nephews by friendship ... and spoiling them and playing with them and babysitting and GIVING THEM BACK!

Conrad is completely and totally ready to be the cool uncle and the uncle that all the kids run to when they're in trouble or they've done something and they need someone to break the news to the parents- broken windows, dings in the fenders, not wanting to go to summer camp, broken hearts- we are READY!

Maybe we need to get some kind of Aunt Karyn and Uncle Rad Children's Day Camp set up. You bring your kids to us and since we're not emotionally attached and we aren't experienced in the day to day stuff, we can compltely and totally whip your kids into shape without feeling guilty. We can make them do homework, get along with their siblings, learn to clean their rooms in a timely and orderly fashion - since Conrad fancies himself a bit of a Yard Master- we can set him up with teaching the kids to mow and use a weed eater- maybe some lessons on how to kill and eliminate weeds. I could hold some sort of lecture on how to haggle and get the best for your money- sort of "beat down" the garage sales holders and flea market shopkeepers, if you will, in order to receive the best deals ... maybe a furniture repair seminar ... Blanca, God Bless her, has always wanted to be a therapy dog- she just can't seem to behave enough to pass their tests ... but not at Aunt Karyn and Uncle Rad's Children's Day Camp! Blanca would be an EXCELLENT therapy dog and we would not require her to go through any of that formal pesky training - or licensing. She doesn't bite unless you pick her up around her stomach and we've almost got that flea problem solved. Your kids would be perfectly safe with her, although I am not taking on any responsiblity for contraction of Lyme Disase. I'm fairly certain your kids got that from YOUR house.

Also- I can't be held responsible for allergies due to pine nuts, peanuts or milk, etc ... kids are allergic to everything these days! They need to come to me with a bracelet or a piece of paper or something stating they have allergies and you know what- to be safe, maybe everyone should just pack and bring their own lunch. But nothing perishable ... I don't want stuff to go bad while we're out doing our laps or working in my fabulous vegetable garden!

I'm totally in. All this could be yours for the low, low cost of $1300.00 per kid.

Let me know if you're interested.

Aunt Karyn


Rebecca said...

Sometimes I like kids...and sometimes I don't.