Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Crazies

So I got the "crazies".... seriously. Poor Conrad. I don't know how he makes it through some days. This is kind of funny NOW, but it wasn't really at the time.

Let me preface this by saying that I am heavier than I used to be- thanks to the Graves Disease and I am very sensitive about it. There's not a whole lot I can do- maybe more than I do- I mean I could work out harder and eat better but the fact is I have a disease and this is one of the side effects.

Second let me say I love Hardee's. They have a hot ham n' cheese that will knock your socks off. I ate them all the time when I was a kid- this is a joint that's mostly in the deep south. Texas has none. VERY SAD. But it's been a few years since I had a Hardee's hot ham n' cheese...

On the way to Florida, I stopped in Louisiana and got myself one. HEAVEN, I told Conrad on the way back I was stopping to get another. Saturday rolls around- I leave FL and we get to somewhere in AL and I'm hungry. Now here is where it's funny but kinda not, WHY do men just NOT HEAR anything we say? I clearly said on the way to FL and on the way back that I loved HOT HAM N' CHEESE sandwiches. I even told Blanca I would share mine and give her some ham. Conrad heard me say that...

We get to the window, we order his burger and I order the #7- hot ham n' cheese... I was not paying attention, I admit... and I guess on the screen it popped up something else. Conrad SAW it and said naught.... I pull through get the order and proceed on my merry way. Well we are hardly out of the parking lot when Conrad starts diving up the food. He hands me this massive burger and I hand it back- no he says, I got the sourdough, this is yours. Apparently, the woman thought I said the # 11, not the # 7. Conrad SAW the # 11 order come up on the screen and he didn't say a word. I even think the woman repeated the order back- but I didn't hear her. So I am looking at whatever the # 11 is and it is I kid you not, the most massive burger I have ever laid eyes on- this is a double meat bacon something or another. Well- I had my lips set for hot ham n' cheese.. HE HEARD me order it, he KNEW I wanted it and he said nothing when they gave me something else.

Promptly, right there in the parking lot, I burst into noisy and wild tears. I was wailing and he had NO idea what to say... when I finally calmed down, this is what I said... "I miss my daddy. I have just left my daddy and I miss my daddy. I wanted a hot ham n' cheese and you knew it. You let this woman give me this double meat burger. I mean, am I THAT big? Am I so big that you would think I would need a double meat burger? Shouldn't you intervene if that is the case? If it ever gets to the point I am ordering double meat burgers, there is a PROBLEM. I mean- when have I EVER in two years EVER ordered a double meat anything? You must thing I'm a massively fat giant woman.".... and here is Conrad.... ????????? He later said, and rather unconvincingly, that he thought I had changed my mind. WHAT?! How in the space of 2 seconds would I have changed my mind and what made him think I could operate a motor vehicle with a 2/3 lb burger clutched in my jowls... ?

I cried for 25 more miles... and even though he offfered to share his fries I said no. Even when he offered to stop at another Hardee's and get me what I wanted I said no. I passed another 7 Hardee's and refused to stop. I finally fished the offending burger out of the bag in the truck and ate like four bites. It was so big I could not get my mouth around it and it frustrated me so bad, I just threw it in the garbage and kept driving, hungry... I cried and wailed all the way into Louisiana. I have no idea what my problem was... About two hours later, in the silence of the car, (because I think Conrad was afraid) I thought about it and how Conrad said "how can this by MY fault?" and his complete disbelief... and me being so unfair but him KNOWING I wanted that ham sandwich... and it suddenly seemed very very funny to me. I laughed and howled. He sat there just looking at me, very confused and a little scared.

Anyway- I apologized for my behavior but prefaced it with he KNEW I didn't want that burger... and told him I don't know- my grief drove me to act that way. I am STILL upset about that sandwich though. I still wish I had it... and yes, I know Conrad does not think I'm fat.... and yes, I think he is still scared. We finally did pull off late into the evening in Lafayette and he bought me a Big Grab bag of Doritos because I was starving... sweet guy.

CraZy Karyn