Sorry

She came over here this morning and said she was sorry. She started crying. She hugged me and said she didn't mean it and had no idea I would be effected the way I was. I explained again that I didn't want to know the number and that was NOT the way I was choosing to gage my health. She said she understood and was just in tears. I guess she had gone home and talked to someone there and told her all about what she did/or what happened. She looked sincere and I did feel bad about that.

I can't stand it when other people are hurting and I knew, from knowing her that she was having a bad evening. I knew she would stew and I knew she would not sleep ... and I was prepared to do battle this morning because I knew she would be back over here. I just didn't expect the immediate tears and apologies. I thought it would be more of a fight. She's not a bad person but yesterday just went too far. I had a TERRIBLE evening. I went home and Conrad wanted to know what happened. Through sobs and crying I told him. I cried for an hour. He just sat there with me, and didn't know much of what to say ... I am sort of irrational when I am feeling this way. He, of course, was horrified and he promised me he had never lied to me and wasn't going to start now. He told me he didn't see a thing in the world wrong with me. I named all the people he works with - and how they all have skinny wives and he looked really gobsmacked. He says he doesn't think of that at all. Not even when we're all on trips together and it's obvious who's wife is a pork-o.

I ended up in bed at 5:40 and cried myself to sleep. I got up around 7 and came back out and tried to have a normal evening. I did sleep throught the night, so that was good. My eyelids are GINORMOUS this morning from the crying last night.

I am going back to water aerobics tonight, just with a somewhat heavier heart than I went on Tuesday. I thought then I was doing it just because I WANTED to. Now that I have number in my head, I am doing it because I HAVE to and that sucks all the joy and fun and happiness right out of it.

This will take, seriously, probably a month or more to get over. I don't get over things quickly. Someone suggested to me yesterday here at work, the weight isn't my problem, it's my emotions, my drama and my not getting over things that's really the problem. I don't know ...

Kah

Upset

I am upset, and my closest friends here in Houston know all about it - but I thought I would fill the rest of you in and also vent. I feel like I am going to explode.

So you all know I am on the this fitness kick. We are going to Ireland later in the year and I am thinking that instead of laying around a pool in a resort, this will be more of a sightseeing trip, which means walking, stairs ETC and I know I am not up for it. So I figured ok, I have X months to do something about that.... and that is what has spurred on this kick of mine. If I lose weight and I am SURE I will, then that is just an extra. I am not getting ready for bathingsuit season or anything I just want to be able to ENJOY Ireland.

Today a friend at work, who works out pretty regularly, but is not "fit", came over to talk to me about my workout. She saw me out in the hall trying to walk (not easy today) and we joked about it. She came by the desk and asked about my goals and I explained the Ireland thing. She started saying all about how she weighs herself every week and tries to keep track there. I said I didn't want to do that. I felt I would be discouraged. Discouragement sends me to the taco truck and then to bed. I told her I wanted to see muscle tone, increased endurance and tolerance and some better fitting clothes. She disagreed and LOUDLY, here at work. She demanded that I weigh myself on Thursday night during my next pool class. I said no. She said I would never know if I reached my goal if I didn't do it. We went round and round and she got louder. She jumped up and said I am going into the breakroom now to weigh myself, let's go. I said NO I do not want to go. I don't want to know. I don't want to be discouraged and I am TELLING you if I know my weight right now, I will be very very upset and I will stop, or cry or eat too much. I DO NOT want to know.

She created SUCH a scene I had to get up and go into the kitchen to get her to shut up --- it was starting to cause a problem and I just KNEW we would get taken down to HR and I did not know what to do ... and then I had to get on the scale to get her to shut up and it was JUST as I had feared. The number so bad, to me, that I just started bawling. I came back to my desk and just SOBBED.... I feel like there is no way to get out of this hole. WHY did she DO this to me and WHY did I LET HER? I am just sick. I have been sick all day. I fluxuate between self hatred and hatred towards her. I am just devastated. Who knew I had gotten this big since I came to Houston and I wasn't a supermodel when I left Dallas. I do NOT want to workout now. I wonder what the point is. I think to myself that water aerobics is the sissy way out and I am just in there so I won't hurt and sweat. I am in there with a bunch of fatties, which is TRUE.

I went so far as to send Conrad and email to tell him I am so sorry he is married to a fat pig and I can't believe he even wants to lay eyes on me or touch me. I told him I was SO SORRY I hadn't realized it had gotten this bad and I just did not know what to do, but I was trying my best. Keep in mind Conrad has NEVER said a word to me about anything of this nature. He tells me all the time I am beautiful and he even worries when I start to workout that I will lose some of my parts. I know I am blessed where he is concerned, but I don't want him to be embarassed of me and hauling me around and my massive weight from place to place like a gigantic one ton albatross.

I hate that she did this to me and I hate that I let her. Why did she just not respect my NO. Please NO. Please go away. She would not. I am sure she thought she was helping me, but now I look in the mirror and I just want to die. Not literally but I am miserable and unhappy and I don't want anyone to touch me or look at me.

The other fun part, all the people around here who heard what happened are now telling me I don't stand up for myself which is basically saying I am weak. I did NOT want to create more of a scene. I just wanted her to stop. They are all saying that I gave in to her - and hurt myself in order to not hurt her feelings. That makes me feel bad about like the INSIDE of me. It's been a bad day in Karyn Land. BAD DAY.

Kah

Body Pump

Les Mills Body Pump is a class offered at my gym. I don't know who Les Mills is, but I think he may be from the devil ... he may BE the devil. He is for sure an agent of the devil.

So two weeks ago I started off with the aqua aerobics. For a week I was sore- I went to three classes. For week two, I did the same three classes and wasn't sore at all. I had great energy and slept well and I noticed one of my shirts fit better, but I thought oh if I'm not sore, maybe I can pump it up a notch. Maybe this isn't like challenging me anymore. As my friend Tosha says, The Devil IS a lie! I was challenged plenty.

I went through a few options to add in- Zumba, Body Pump, Spin ... and I decided on Body Pump because I am not ready for Spin and ALL the Zumba classes are going on whenever my water classes are going on and I LOVE my water classes. So - I decided on BP. OH. MY. GOD. Today is hard to walk. I have already taken 6 Ibuprofen in the last 12 hours. I soaked in a tub of epsom salts when I got home. On the way home, my hair dripped like I had been in the pool. CRAZY STUFF. I even did teeny tiny embarassingly small baby weights. Some of these girls were squatting like 80 lbs.

I liked it though and I will probably go back next week - for more torture, but at this point, I am not going more than once a week. So this week, I will do my three water classes that are left. Next week, I think I will keep BP on Monday, and take my three water classes.

I think two weeks of the same thing, before I add on, is working for me. I HOPE I am not moving to slow, but if I go everyday and I hurt all the time, I will start to hate it and I will quit. I know me! I think 4 hours a week is GREAT. Don't you???? Help me feel better about this, guys! LOL

I think the recommended amount of exercise is 30 minutes a day, right? So 4 hours is like MORE than 30 minutes a day, when you break it down.

Kah

Flour? - Check!

My mom sent me White Lily flour.

YAY Mom, thanks !!!!

She says they carry it at Wal-Mart there in SC-  really??? Well I happen to know some people at WM home office. I am going to call them and ask them why Texas doesn't qualify as a southern state. SO THERE.

Thanks Mom!

Kah

Craft Room?

I am SO digging this room ... this is a picture I actually found and picked out for my sister in law when she was considering doing bamboo blinds in her house. I thought these were simple and delightful - but the more I think on it, the more I like this entire ROOM and I think I am going to be patterning my craft room after it.

In the third bedroom, upstairs- it is going to be a bedroom/craft room. Picture a room with a walk in closet - and on one wall there is a floor to ceiling, wall to wall built in unit. It has drawers and cabinets and shelves and even a little desk area. Actually - here's a picture of the elevation from our house drawings. This is my built in.

Anyway, this will be on one wall. I think I'm going to order a day bed with a trundle for overflow guests (main guest room is downstairs) and our nephews when they come to visit. Mostly because the game room is upstairs and as they get older, that's where they want to be, vs. with us. Then I intend to have a round table in the room as my work space. I also have a sewing machine and table which I think I can roll into the guest closet and away from everything. The thing I LOVE about that picture is all the different seating options. LOVE. THAT. -- and I think I'm too chicken to do it downstairs in the eat in breakfast room (no formal dining in the house). I also think Conrad would think I was completely crazy.  "Uh Conrad I'd like to get a bench, a loveseat, a couple of chairs and maybe an oriental garden seat and put all of that around our breakfast table." YEAH- my parents would be getting a "Can you please take her back???" phone call. But upstairs, in my room, I don't think he'll care at all. I'm also digging on the girly chandelier -  vs. the fans we always put in the bedrooms. I think I want one of those ones that looks like a giant star. You know what I'm talking about? I'm digging it!

Kah

H2O

My new thing? Water Aerobics!

I know, it's only something old people do. Whatever RUMORS! .... and ok yes, there ARE 16 old people in my class ... but the other day a girl younger than me showed up. Let me tell you please I LOVE THIS STUFF! ... and it kicks my butt. Our teacher is take no prisoners. It's not like the water aerobics I remember - back in the day. It is HARD and I LOVE IT.

I go three times a week -Tuesday, Thursday and EARLY Saturday morning. I am enjoying the heck out of it. It's very low impact so it's good for my sick knee that got hurt in my car wreck a few years ago. It's good for me because I am SO out of shape. I see a treadmill and I cry. I am going to do it this week as usual and then next week, I am adding in at least one SPIN class. I can not wait.

I am dipping my toe slowly in it (pardon the pun). I will say it is HECK on a pedicure. So I am getting aqua socks as soon as I track some down. I know, very fashionable.

Kah

Happy Birthday

My precious baby is 7 years old today !!!! She has been the absolute light of my life. When I got her, I didn't even much care for dogs. I just adore her - and so does her daddy, as this blog has been a testament to!

She is: Fiesty, Lovable, Crazy, Manic, Sweet, Yappy, Energetic, Spoiled, Cultured, Loving and Precious .. . and we could go on and on for days. She is just perfect and she is BLANCA ... and as of today, 7 years old. She has the biggest personality that I have ever encountered in the animal world and she cracks me up at least once a day. She really is our baby and we have a better family because of her.

Conrad said we're going into the teen years. Lord help us!

Kah

ER

Well ... Sunday night was eventful.

I DID get my super cute hat. I even went to party right afterwards and should have worn it, if my giant sunburned head is any indication. But, *SIGH* I will be rocking it this summer!

Sunday night we came in from dinner and Blanca was limping around - holding up her front right paw. Well of course I immediately went into hysterics and wailing about bone cancer and Conrad of course, was calm. We waited about 30 minutes but it didn't seem to get better ... we ended up taking her to the doggie ER.

She is fine, thankfully. Probably a little sprang and maybe she stepped on a wasp or something. She jumps down off all manner of beds and couches - I knew one days she would get hurt! Her little foot pads were swollen and she gnaws on them all the time. I got some medicine for them, she got a shot - and of course, we were both up all night. I was trying to get her to NOT lick her paw and she was trying to trick me into thinking she was asleep so I could sleep. Monday was FUN! Being a mother = not easy.

But the Doggie/Kitty/ Bird, etc .. ER is not a fun place. People are crying and scared. I heard doggies crying and barking. Some kitty came in that was real sick while we were there. A lady and her son picked up their one eyed dog (recently one eyed, if the stitches told the story) and the lady just fell apart right there at the counter. It was a sad place to be. I am so glad we don't go there much and that Blanca's problem is probably cureable.

I am going to take VET off the list of any future career choices. My heart would bleed every single day.

Kah

Mad Hatter

I've decided I can not LIVE without one of these for the summer!



JC Penny has them and I have a coupon.

Kah

Flour - Damon Lee Fowler

I am laughing through my tears here ... WHEN was it decided that Texas was not a southern state? We butt up to Mexico and the GULF for heavens sakes. I know the Texan PEOPLE are a people all their own, but geographically we're southern.

I told you last week that I got two cookbooks from Damon Lee Fowler. Well he, like my grandmothers before me, is VERY strict about the products you use and he calls those products OUT in his book. He makes it feel like if you don't use this certain kind of whatever, your dish will be fit for only Yankees and theives .... being from South Carolina (as he is) I totally understand that.

In his book, New Southern Baking, he calls for White Lily flour in just about everything. Guess what southern state does not carry White Lily? YES, TEXAS.



I am a little upset about it. Do you know where they DO sell it? MICHIGAN AND ILLINOIS. I could be sick right now. The slogan "White Lily has been helping southern cooks create incredibly delicious foods since 1883". Really? You don't say. Have you studied the demographics White Lily and seen a large influx of southern cooks into Michigan and Illinois? I have to tell you I only know of ONE person who migrated to Detroit and I can't say I believe he purchases White Lily. Oprah was born in Mississippi and has moved to Illinois, did you follow her up there? What is the reason for this outrage?!

I suppose I will be calling my parents in SC and FL and telling them to start shipping flour. I am TOTALLY going to send these White Lily people an email!

Kah

Mecca

This is my Mecca, my Holy Land.

When I purchased my boyfriend, Mr. Keurig, he came with a coupon. Buy two get two free. Since I am out of regular coffee AND have only 2 of the samples he came with left, I went ahead and bought. It was something like $11 for a box of 24 single cup servings. So I bought the Green Mountain sampler and Green Mountain Breakfast Blend (I am BIG BIG BIG on samplers). For free, I got the Orange Spice Tea and the Green Mountain Southern Pecan. Can you tell I am a BIG fan of Green Mountain? Well I am. That stuff is like liquid gold. So for $27 and free shipping I got about (for me) 6 months worth of coffee... and GOOD coffee. This machine, whether you use their coffee or your own, makes restaurant quality stuff and I crave it. I have never loved waking up on the weekends quite so much. I believe it has something to do with how HOT the water gets - it's almost too hot to hold the cup.

I am also really glad they include a sampler when you buy the Keurig. When I logged on to buy, they had SEVEN GIANT pages of different coffees to get. Overwhelming!Well by the time I ordered, I already knew I didn't care for Caribou and I didn't care for the Paul Newman decaf- and I liked donut shop pretty well. Not a fan of Hazelnut and LOVED Green Mountain. It's a good way to sample a little bit of everything - and when I saw they had a Green Mountain sampler which has breakfast blend and dark roast and vanilla, etc- I was ALL OVER IT. It's good to know what you like.

Also let me say you can buy this coffee at Kohl's, Bed Bath and Beyond, the grocery store - and we happen to live about 3 miles from a place called Southern Refreshment Services. It's a big warehouse that services companies who buy coffee and such for their employees (like my company!) and you can walk right in, march up to a computer, put in your order and they will bring it out to you. NO shipping- you are standing right there. Sometimes, Tomball is the absolute best place to be.

Kah

What is wrong with this picture?

I was doing so well this morning. I got up on time, I got out the door on TIME - I got to work on time. It's Friday and I have lunch plans with a friend. Life was looking good. I got into the office and looked down.

YES, my shoes don't match.

I don't even know what to say about myself. I will not be leaving my desk today!

I'm going to tell the people I am making a fashion statement - I AM wearing a new shirt. Maybe they'll believe it. I'd almost rather say I am drunk - than admit I just for REAL got dressed in the dark and confidently came into work like a dillhole.

KAH

There are No Words

Hunka Hunka

This is one of my favorite things and I thought I'd show it to you.

Tonight we made the comandeered steaks - and I had to chop up some bacon for the baked potatoes - so I pulled out my handy dandy Elvis vegetable cutting board. This was a wedding gift from two of my favorite people - the porch monkeys of NW Arkansas - Tracy and Darlene. Darlene is a diehard Elvis fan. She has a Takin' Care of Business tattoo and an entire room devoted to The King. When I opened my gift from them, I immediately burst out laughing. Not only is it Elvis, he is made of vegetables. Double click on the pic and blow him up - eggplants for hair, an avocado neck, carrot collar. That's good stuff, man!

I love this because it's unique and because they thought of me. But I love it most of all because every time I pull it out I think of them and I think of all our good times. I think of the late nights, the stories, the sleepovers, the times I've been snowed in with them ... the crying over stupid boys, the being outraged for them over stupid boys, getting married, buying houses, building houses, having grandkids, drinking blackberry merlot from Wal-Mart, writing on the chalkboard cabinets, Taco Tico, Glasgow's and of course, stealing someone's dog ;) - I think of it all ... and so I love my cutting board and I love them.

Kah

Brenham, Texas

This is the perfect time of year, in Texas. Things are not too cool, not too hot. Spring days are SO nice. Last weekend we were all cooped up (our own fault) and I said NO NO NO, not next weekend. I wanted a nice, hour to two hour road trip. Lunch at some place we had never been. Maybe some shopping, maybe something historical. Just wanted to get the heck out of dodge. Enter: Brenham, Texas - home of the Blue Bell Ice Cream Company. They are 60 miles away, we got there in 50 minutes and I believe the town dates back to 1844, so it was really fitting everything I was looking for. Conrad agreed and we set off today ...

First up, the shops Downtown. They were really cute. There was this shop that was sort of funky and eclectic - and they had tons of painted furniture which I happen to love. I snapped this pic as inspiration for when we get the house built. I can totally see this in an entryway. LURVE IT.

They had some fun clothing and jewelry boutiques too. I can never resist putting on a hat. Especially straw cowgirl hats with bejeweled fanciness. I am a queen!

Then the sirens call of LUNCH! We decided on the Brenham Grill downtown. It's attached to an old hotel with was rennovated in 1995. In the hotel they had articles framed from my two favorite magazines - Southern Lady and Southern Living. If those guys say this Inn is the place to be, I believe them. So we stopped here. I got the meatloaf and Conrad got the chicken fried chicken. I give it a good solid 8.

We also hit up the Breham Historical Society Museum and it was ok. It was only a dollar to get in. It's very much devoted to WWII vets and they did have some cool stuff, but nothing to write home about. They had three guns on display, so Conrad got his jollies worth.

The true O.M.G. moment for me happened as we were leaving downtown - I saw The Book Nook and ducked in for a minute. Small, used bookstore, downtown in a tiny town - meh ... whatever. I went in and hit the mecca. I am so sorry for saying this store was going to be musty and dusty. Well, it was - but they had something I wanted.

I discovered Southern historian and cookbook writer, Damon Lee Fowler, on the Paula Deen show. He lives in Savannah and writes cookbooks about the old days and the reasons behind dishes, why people ate them, what they were made of, etc etc - I have wanted one of his cookbooks FOREVER. I think he has 6-7 of them. Problem. They are freakin' $30 EACH. NO WAY JOSE. Not for Ms.Cheapie.

I walked into The Book Nook and there was a shelf so close to the front door my right arm literally was touching it as I walked in. They had ONE SMALL shelf devoted to cookbooks - it was maybe 2 feet long and had about 20 books on it. I am getting out of control on my cookbook collecting so I just quickly scanned the area for anything I "need" and BAM two Damon Lee Fowler books. Wait, TWO? Two DIFFERENT books. So I pulled them off the shelf- $26 each, CRAP, but marked down to $9.95 and then marked down AGAIN to $7.95. I was like a loony woman with magical powers. I whipped those two books off the shelf and SPRINTED to the cash register praying there was no mistake. Don't worry - I wasn't harmed! Standing by the shelf, my butt was literally touching the side of the counter/cash register. It was not a long run! $17 later, I was a proud new cookbook mama and I have renewed hope in old, musty dusty bookstores. I am going to STOP being a snob and go in there. Who knows what treasures await. MAJOR score. It was a perfect day. We were only gone from the house 4 hours.

Kah

Hello Darling ~

Well ... this is it! Our precious house, designed of our own blood, sweat and tears. We fully expect to be building this year, 2011.

Over the next days or so I may be showing you some rooms, with some neat things. Most rooms are just ... rooms you know, sink, oven, microwave, but some rooms ARE SO COOL! ... we have a little mix of everything.

Conrad is so excited I swear he drives by the land every two days. I go about once every two months. LOL - who would have ever thought the man would be more into it? I will be once I get to pick out countertops and doorknobs. Conrad said "I don't know a thing about that" ... and I say YAY then it's ALL ME. No, LOL - he will be involed too, but that's the part I am looking forward to.

Happy weekend everyone! (Double click the drawing to blow it up.)

KAH

Happy Lent

Kah

Unexpected Windfall

Conrad and I ran out to the grocery store. I had been watching the stupid Food Network again :) and saw some chicken recipes. Only thing is I HATE cooking chicken. It never ever comes out right, so I decided to go and get one of those rottisserie chickens today. As luck would have it, there was a $1 off coupon too if you bought some Coke, which Conrad happens to be addicted to Diet Coke and it was on our list to buy anyway.

We picked up our items and headed to the check out. I saw the lady in front of us had some DELICIOUS looking burgers and steaks on the conveyor belt. I thought "Woah, she's having a cookout today!" ... and why not, it's beautiful.

We get home, unpack the groceries and the lady's cookout meat is IN OUR BAG. I look at my receipt, three times, it's not on there. I even remember putting the divider between our stuff. OMG - for whatever reason the bagger put her stuff in with our things. They must have been the last things they rang up for her. I had my meat out first on our list of things- so they could bag all my meat together. The lady bagging must have been confused and she thought it was our meat. I feel SO BAD about that! I know the other shopper got home and unpacked and was SO UPSET. I would have been.

I consulted with Conrad and we agreed that yeah we can take it back to the store. However they can't put it back out for public consumption. It's a store loss. They would have to throw it away since someone took it out of the store. I know I would never ever buy meat there again if I knew they were putting meat back out that people had taken home. They could do anything to it! So - we can take it back and let it be thrown away or keep it and not waste it. I know the lady took her receipt back and got her meat because it was $18 worth! She had two fine steaks and a pack of fresh pre-made hamburgers. I feel awful for her, it's happened to me too. I'm going to call and tell the store anyway. If they want it back, I can freeze it and run it there later this week. I'm not going back tonight --- but I know they won't want it. The steaks go bad tomorrow.

I suppose we will call this an unexpected windfall. It's just CRAZY. This is like four meals for us. Maybe I can like, donate $20 to charity or something. I don't know ... in the meantime, steaks tonight!

Kah

mmm

In case any of you Houstonites are chasing the mmm cupcake truck ....

They have a Facebook and a Twitter - and they post their schedule. From what we can figure, they only run on weekends. All over the Greater Houston area. We were ALL OVER this baby on Friday!

Kah

Eggplant

Guess what the veggie hater clued me into this weekend? He doesn't HATE eggplant. YESSSS!

I was happily enjoying my Eggplant Parmasean from the Olive Garden last weekend and I told him I just could not BELIEVE he didn't like it! He told me he didn't like my particular dish, but he was not opposed to the veggie itself - as long as it was "mixed in with some other stuff".

ALRIGHT!

I can see dips in our future, maybe some mashed in with some potatoes (hidden), homemade mousaka, eggplant and mushroom lasagna. The possibilities are endless and I am SO excited. You have no idea how hard it is to get new and different veggies into this house.

Kah

What else I Want

These are the other two sets I want. The lazy ladel set (you can set them on the lip of your pot) WHOOP

and  ..... then these cool spatulas. If you see any of these sets on sale somewhere, tell me!

Kah