Getting Angry

Well, I've had my few days of sadness and feeling sorry for myself and being down. Now I'm just plain MAD. I've never known her to be so cruel ... at least it gives me energy.

I can not BELIEVE all my calls have been unanswered. All my emails have been unanswered. I KNOW she reads this blog- it has not moved her. You are just being so super ugly ... I can't even believe it. Please stop reading and just go away. That's what you wanted anyway. Conrad has told me to stop posting about it - because if she DOES read here, then it just fuels the drama. If something always has to be happening with her, then me being upset and posting it all over cyberspace is probably feeding it. I took her off my Myspace and deleted the # from my phone. Good closure for now.

My desire to continue the friendship is gone. I've known since my first post that I wasn't going to be ABLE to continue it - but now I don't WANT to and that's a good turning point for me.

Well, we get early release today- 2:30 - so I'm looking forward to that. The roads were all but empty this morning. I was moving slow, stopped to get gas and STILL got here five minutes early today. Normally those two things would have caused me to be an hour late.

I heard an interesting program this morning about Lyme Disease - did you know it's somewhat connected to Alziehimer's? Yes - they took ten brains of Alziehimer's patients and found Lyme Disease in 8 of them. SCARY STUFF! We should all read up on it as much as we can. But sadly, it's one of those diseases that hasn't been heavily researched and they don't know much about. Maybe some relaxing Thanksgiving reading for you?

HAHA just kidding.

Happy Turkey Day from Texas.

Kah

Being Reminded

Well, I must have SOME good friends. :)

I was reminded yesterday via email, the blog and in person that I do have people who care for me. First of all my sister in law posted a very sweet comment which helped a lot. Sometimes I forget we can consider family our friends too ... Mikel is a dear friend to me ... and not only that, we're family now, so she'll be with me forever.

Then I went to lunch with my friend Tosha and I filled her in on why I was so down. She's a wise woman! She told me that as we get older, we realize we have less of the "One BFF forever" thing going on and more like three or four close friends ... and she is TOTALLY right. I counted on my hand right there who I considered my five closest friends to be. Really, six (I have a new one!) ... and she said see Karyn, God has already blessed you and you didn't even know it.

Then I got back from lunch and had a very encouraging email from my buddy Tracy - who said the same thing as Tosha. She listed out all of her closest friends and what each one of them meant to her and I was one of them.

My "best friend" may have gone her own way, abandoned me or whatever - but I'm not alone ... and of course, we can not forget Mr Conrad - he's been a prince through this as well. When I was so upset, he was even throwing out ideas of me inviting girls over on Saturdays so I can "get away from him and Blanca" ... and while it would be AWESOME to have a girls Saturday one day soon I would never ever want to get away from him or Blanca. They are my life. I'm lucky to have a husband who underdstands.

So even though you are ALL my friends - I want to send out a special shout out to my closest confidants - the people who have always been there, who consider me a good friend and special to them. To people who love me and have told me recently.

Here's to Conrad ... the sweetie
and my gal pals- Tracy, Darlene, Toni, Carolyn, Tosha and my newest addition- Sherry.

Thanks for being there, listening and caring about me.

Happy Thanksgiving week.

Kah

I've Lost My Best Friend

What a difficult post and I've been putting off writing it for what seems like ever. But now it has become abundantly clear that I've lost my best friend. My best friend of 15 years.

We've had a couple of breaks - two that I can remember really. One was for four years and the break was because one friend chose family and one was still a swinging single ... and the two lives did not mesh. There was no "THIS IS IT" talk, we just drifted away ... until I got older, more settled and sent a Christmas card and opened those lines of communication back up.

Break two was about a month before I moved to Houston and lasted one year. This one, I don't really take responsibility for. She was going through a lot with her family and I somehow got invoved, she was upset with me, believed I said or did something maliciously which I did NOT and then stopped talking to me. I was also moving to Houston to start my life with Conrad and I think she felt abandoned to some degree ... with the move came money issues, finding a job, selling my house and getting a whole new life. There was enough drama in there to go on Broadway and I could not deal with anymore. So I let it go. Somewhere within that year was a phone call (not sure by who) and we started back up again.

My best friend is beautiful inside and out, generous, loving and funny as all get out. I miss her deeply and I think she loves and cares about me- but there's one thing that bothers me ... and I don't even know if she reads here anymore ... if she does, she's going to get mad and feel attacked but after what I've been through I find it hard to dredge up sympathy ... my friend sort of either THRIVES on drama OR it seems to find her ... she's a beautiful soul and I can't figure out why she can't be happy. Maybe it comes easy to me, but it hasn't always ...I believe in working hard for what I have and that includes happiness and peace and my friend has been so beat down by life sometines, I think she lacks the energy to find it. And that's ok - I listen. I give advice. I pray and care for her- but now the drama has been brought into MY life and I find that unacceptable.

My best friend has not spoken to me since September and I have NO idea why. I have emailed, I have called, I have left messages, I've emailed again. Something terrible could have happened- she could have left her husband, she could have lost her grandmother, she could have had her home damaged in a storm. I really don't know. I don't WANT to think bad things, but there's no other reason for her to go into a hole like this.

I called the day before her birthday, I've emailed- I've sent messages on Myspace, I've done everything I know to do short of driving three and a half hours to her house. I don't know what else to do! I can't think of WHAT could have caused this. The only thing I come up with is that during the hurricane we stayed near her house and did not call- but if you were a reader of this blog then you know we had no water, no electric and no gas in the city of Houston. We drove as far as we could to get to where we could get internet and work and we worked. We did not even tell Conrad's parents, who were down the street, where we were. If you didn't live through this storm you have NO IDEA ... we showered, slept and worked. Then we went back after less than two days - becayuse both of our offices were back up and running even if our house was not. We did not go to Dallas for social reasons and EVERYONE else has understood that. Maybe my friend understood too- I don't know, SHE WON'T TALK TO ME. I even posted here after the hurricane that I was so upset because certain people had not even called to check on us- she was one of them. I mean we had no food, no water, no gas to get anywhere. It was like living in hell and she didn't even call to see if we were ok. That was my first inkling something was wrong ... and no call back for her birthday. ONE returned email that was terse and to the point ... and now finally on Friday I emailed her one last time and said YOU ARE HURTING ME. No reply. I guess she does not care.

I think about this when I get up, when I'm in the shower, when I'm at work, when I drive home, before I go to sleep. ALL THE TIME and it's not fair and now it's become mean and cruel and I am DONE. I am done with the breaks. I am done with the precieved misdoings that I would never ever do on purpose. I am taking my cue from Conrad and trying to live a good, content, drama free life. I know when and if the email DOES come, the reason will be something *I* did and I can not bear it ... because I know in my heart I did nothing wrong.

If you still read here and I think you do- then here's my final message: I love you my friend- and the last time I told you the truth you stopped speaking to me for a year. Here is another truth - you have to find someway to live in peace or you will destroy yourself. You have to find a way to get past your mom, your dad, your husband, your jobs, everything. I do not believe the world is out to get YOU or anyone else. Life just isn't fair plain and simple. Maybe you've had more tough calls than anyone else, maybe you haven't ... But you do have a duty to try to live a good life for you and your kids. I have loved you and been the best friend to you that I know how. This is my first holiday season as a married woman and I will not let this ruin it, doggone it. We deserve better than that ... but inside I am so ANGRY because I can't believe you are doing this to me when you KNOW it's my first year to be married, my first holiday season to be married, my first year with Conrad- who you said I was so lucky to have. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs THANKS FOR NOTHING. You were supposed to be HERE, but WHERE ARE YOU? ... and how dare you leave me?

I have reached out and been rejected. I am not trying to make this all about me, but you won't talk, so all I have is myself. Conrad's sensibleness says to let it go, so I am ... I can't do this anymore. I hope something terrible has NOT happened because if it has and you have not let me be part of it, I will be heartbroken - but you can't hurt me anymore. I can't let you. I don't understand ... I have to do what my daddy says and put you in a box on a shelf and not take you down for awhile, or maybe ever ... because every time I open it, I get smacked in the face with it.

I owe it to my God, my husband and me to have a good life ... and sometimes that means letting go.

I let you go.

Karyn

Chili's

Finally a good dinner, YAY!

We decided on Chili's ... a big fat burger sounded good to me. I've been hungry for three days ...

So we get to Chili's and this was the conversation:

Menus arrive
K: Do you want an appetizer?
C: Sure, which one do you want?
K: Nachos or Spinach Dip
C: I'd prefer the nachos.
K: Ok (closing menu)
C: What are you getting?
K: Southern Burger
C: I think I'm going to get the buffalo chicken sandwich. I haven't had that in awhile.
K: You know, they have the buffalo chicken sliders.
C: Really? WHERE?
K: (shows Conrad on the menu)
C: Those look good
K: They are, I've had them.

WAITER APPROACHES

K: We'll have the nachos for an appetizer and I'll have the Southern Burger with ranch on the side
C: I'll have a chicken caesar salad

Ok, SERIOUSLY!? Why do people do this? I looked at him across the table and he just grinned at me and said sorry, I changed my mind. In 3 seconds? WOW ... but it was funny. Just completely not what I expected to come out of his mouth. The waiter just laughed. I'm sure he sees that all the time ...

Then I went home and had a nice long bubble bath. I put in the peppermint bubbles. It's SO funny to me- Bath and Bodyworks sells these Christmas kits- with peppermint, sugar cookie, vanilla noel and gingerbread. You GIVE them to people FOR Christmas but the next day, Christmas is over. I don't know about you- but I'm not down with a gingerbread bath in February. So I normally put these away and then pull them out the week before Thanksiving and have a VERY happy month leading up to Christmas. Then I put on my Christmas tree fleece PJ's and had a very relaxing evening.

YAY me! I guess I got through that two day tunnel of darkness ... and emerged on the other side. Just in time to greet the people of my neighborhood tomorrow for our garage sale.

Kah

Well ...

Dinner was a bust again.

I do not KNOW what my problem is. Conrad said it was fine, but I thought it was gross. The pizza rolls were just a bad batch, in my opinion. The salad dressing I used was awful- honey french. I thought it would be sweet and nice. It was disgusting. I got up and threw the whole thing in the trash.

I had decided that maybe we should try to MAKE our Christmas money - we are doing GREAT sticking to a budget, but what if we try to earn the money in other ways than our daily jobs. So we are having a garage sale this weekend and I am hoping we make enough to cover the rest of the Christmas purchases ... wish us luck! So when dinner was awful, I just got up and started going through closets and pricing stuff ... by 9:30 I was starving, so I went to Wendy's to get a chicken wrap and small fry.

OMG, calling it food is NICE. It was swill- absolute pig slop. Those fries had been sitting there at LEAST an hour. I got so upset - I just went to bed. As I was ranting and railing, Conrad calmly sat in the living room working on his sodoku - that poor boy. I told him to avoid ANY scenes or incidents, we are going out tonight. I'm not happy about spending the money since the economy is scaring me - but clearly I need a break in the kitchen. Things are not going well. I lost my mojo or something ...

As for the economy, news came today that a recession IS imminent and will last until 2010. How fun. We can all worry about our jobs for another two years, watch our home values fall and try to figure out ways to eat. I CAN NOT WAIT. Sounds fabulous - the sure fire way to lose weight... also fertile ground to which to have a heart attack induced by stress. AWESOME.

I hope those Big Three CEO's had a nice comfy ride back home yesterday to Detroit in their nice private jets. I heard the hangars are so nice they can keep their cars in there - so when they get off the plane they can just get in their cars and drive away- good way to avoid the winter and the reporters. JERKS.

Kah

Ruined

Last night I ruined dinner. When I ruin dinner, you can kiss the entire evening goodbye. Maybe I didn't RUIN it - but it's time to stop attempting with the stupid homemade pizzas. It was awful.

I had a crust I had gotten with my coupon- I had some spaghetti sauce I had gotten for free and some hamburger and cheese. I LOVE hamburger pizzas and I love the pizza they have at Papa John's that tastes like spaghetti sauce. When *I* make it, it's soggy and gross and weird.

So I got upset and told Conrad I was a bad wife and a bad cook and stomped off. He tries to convince me that the 5-6 dinners (chicken spaghetti, alfredo, mexican chicken cassarole, etc... )I have ruined in two years are nothing compared to the 400 great dinners I've made. WHATEVER. Men don't understand. It was a direct hit to my pride AND my budget ... AND we used the last trash bag throwing the thing away- so now I have to buy more. Grrrrrrr .... so he got irritated with me and went outside and I sat there and stewed about it- for various reasons ... Later on, since he refused to eat if I didn't - I ordered a pizza. The order was taken by a trainee. It was difficult to order with her because she had someone talking over her shoulder the entire time and all I heard was ... "Large, thin crust- WAIT ... ok, um large pizza with pepperoni and so now do you want the ... WAIT - HEY! What in the deal tonight? Chicken Wings? Ok - um, do you want the large pizza one topping with chicken wings for $16.99 ?" It was a NIGHTMARE. She was obviously "like" a um, "like" a teenager. UGH!

And of course, when the order was delivered, it was wrong ... I was so upset. I just stood there clenching and unclenching my fists. But we had to eat it. It was late, I had paid for it- I didn't want to call up there to get a new one and run the risk of them spitting in or something. So I just called the manager and told him that I was unhappy and I wanted a pizza comped for next time and he said no problem ... and put it in our account. Next time I guess we get hungry and don't feel like cooking- we'll get a free pizza - but REALLY we just get one for half price. I mean I still paid for this thing neither one of us really ate last night. ICK.

So the night was just ... interesting I guess .. not one of our best.

When I ruin dinner, I REALLY ruin dinner- the vestiages of my mood stretch out to even the pizza joint down the street. I'm powerful.

Kah

Scary ...

Does anyone else feel like "times" are scary right now? Just in general?

I listen to XM 156 Oprah and Friends on the way to work. Gayle King's show was about the Citibank layoffs today. They are laying off 20% of thier workforce. That is CRAZY. Gayle said we need to look at the faces, the people, the families behind all the "numbers". So she invited people to call in who had been laid off ... to share their stories. Boy did they!

Very sad ... very scary times.

You know it's happened to me before. Twice ... once when I was young and I found Pro Pac a few weeks later- turning into a ten year job ... and once, briefly when I left Pro Pac for a new opportunity ... the second was WAY more scarier and WAY more personal ... and I did ok. It never really occured to me to file for unemployment- I just went out and got a temp job then a contract job ... and that's when Conrad and I made the decision for me to move to Houston. It ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me. What I thought was devastating turned out to be a really awesome thing.

I'm scared again ... because I'm hoping the entire economy doesn't collapse. I'm hoping we can sell our house one day. I'm hoping my family and friends and WE will be ok ... I'm hoping that gas stays low and the food prices come down. It's a VERY scary time ... all we can do is pray and try our best to help out where needed. I'm still not sure what that means. I don't know if it means we spend more money and stimulate the economy or we stockpile money. I just don't know.

Right now, I'm going status quo with a few new twists. We save money everypay day and these are the other things we're doing.

* We put a budget on Christmas and are sticking to it. I did a lot of "crafts" this year
* We eat out less - I'm trying to cook better, different things (yay cookbooks!)
* I've always garage saled- I'm into getting new stuff for nothing
* I go to the library and I subscribe to Netflix. We don't go out to a lot of movies. I NEVER buy books
* I'm trying to bring lunch more. Leftovers are more often than not GROSS- so I'm trying to bring things I like and satisfy me. But I still splurge some. Although SOME eating in helps than NO eating in
* Paying off bills. The urge to stockpile money is there- but paying interest or having that "bill" hanging over my head doesn't feel good. I'd rather get rid of it. We have one student loan and three other bills- that's it. By the end of the year, I think the student load will be gone as well as one of the bills- Conrad's car is already paid off. When those are done we'll have one car payment and two bills. I feel a LOT better about that.
* Conrad does the yard. He always has. There is no way we're paying anyone to do what takes him 20 minutes.
* I use coupons - and I plan my menus off what I can buy with the coupons. I also stockpile. If chicken broth is 39 cents and it's normally 65 cents- and I only need two cans. I go ahead and get six because I WILL need it.
* I go to the dollar store for olive oil, cleaning supplies, etc, etc- use the $ store, it's awesome!
* Make our own coffee and hot chocolate- and desserts. I can do ALL of that cheaper at home. For me, it's the "experience" ... so I bought some cute coffee mugs etc- so I ENJOY drinking my hot cocoa in my cute polka dot cups. It's the simple things ...
* Our own home repair. With the exception of plumbing, Conrad can fix anything. I am SO LUCKY - he fixes everything himself.

So what are you doing to save money? Make it go farther?

Karyn

Here's What I did

Ok ... so I was going on and on Friday about how to spend money this weekend.

I did get new pants. I bought two pair- one black and one navy. Classic colors, go with everything and will last forever ... I also got a pair of long yoga pants in black with a white stripe. I need SOMETHING to wear on the weekends that aren't sweats. These pants will last me for years ... promise. My capri ones have lasted for four right now. Then I went to Wal-Mart and got a pair of navy sweats (my old ones were over five years old and faded) for $6 - I figured on navy to go with all my Dallas Cowboys sweatshirts ... so there, my winter wardrobe re-vamp is complete!

I did go get my massage. Since I got Graves Disease it hurts to do anything. I can't find anywhere else where the cost for an hour massage is $50 - so it's money well spent and it really DOES help me out- so I went and did that. It was already paid for anyway ...

I also went to the library and stocked up on FREE entertainment and I did a very small amount of Christmas shopping. I found some cute and reasonable clothes for the youngest nephew. I just LOVE kids clothes ... don't want any kids, but I could pick clothes out for them all day. The boys stuff have the cutest cars and boats and trains all over them. Precious ... so I did that ...

I made a big pot roast on Saturday in the crockpot and we went to County Line last night for dinner. Always fun to go back to the scene of our marital vows. :) They have the BEST sausage!!!!

The pot roast turned out great. My secret is a packet of the Lipton onion soup. I always pour that in the with the roast and onions before I add anything else. PERFECTION. Brought some for lunch today.

Happy week before Thanksgiving! GO COWBOYS!

Kah

Confused

Wow, I'm confused. I'm confused about the state of our country and what I'm supposed to do about it.

They tell us to stimulate the economy and things will get better. They are considering ANOTHER stimulus package where we'll all get another $300 and the country will go another trillion dollars into debt. They do this with the HOPE that we all run out to Wal-Mart and buy romance novels, Fritos, beer and some of those inflatable Santa snowglobes you see in people's yards. If it were me, it would go RIGHT into my savings account ..Oh and guess what- that $700 bail out? 1/3 has been spent and um, they're not really sure where it all went ... WOW. .

and now today, it's Friday and the weekend looms out in front of me. I have some options: I need those long pants I've been jarring about, I need a few things from the grocery store to make some yummy winter-time treats I've been seeing in magazines .... I liked this shirt I saw in a catalog the other day- and I need to make my monthly appointment at massage envy ... BUT in my heart - I know my capris will make me just warm enough. No need for long pants this year OR for that awesome shirt I saw in the catalog. We have plenty of food at home and truth be told, I have the makings for pumpkin pie RIGHT in my panrty, RIGHT now- and I could cancel the Massage Envy membership.

Things are SLOW at work. Never seen them so slow. I am on my special project right now - so I'm busy ... but I can look at reports and things and SEE that things are slow. What are they going to do? I don't know. We've been told not to panic. I'm not. But I can't help but wondering if the worst happens, will I be glad I bought that shirt for $29.99 or will I be thinking about the two weeks worth of sandwich makings that could have gotten us? When I get a bonus or my check is a little bigger- I stuff it in my savings account.

So ......... do I help the economy by spending like I always do - or do I prepare for a long, hard, uncertain winter by canceling all the fun stuff, burying my head in a library book and saving money? I really don't know. I'm worried.

I'm confused.

Kah

Weekend Toss Up

Well, so it wasn't just me- Conrad's mom called last night and said half of the family can't make it this weekend- they had made other plans and she still isn't feeling well- that cold got her too! .... so we are disappointed, but we know we will see them soon.

This sort of opens up the weekend I guess and I have NO idea what to do ... I have been wanting to go to the Renaissance Festival and this is really the last weekend we could have done it. I had been planning to go last Sunday when the Cowboys had their BYE week, but then Conrad went to IN that day .... so .... I don't know- maybe we'll go this weekend. Cowboys don't play until late Sunday anyway ... so it's a possibility.

We also may want to do a wee bit o' Christmas shopping. They seem to be having nice sales this weekend- so we can run out and knock out 20% of what's left- which isn't all that much. I love, love, love Amazon.com - I ordered mostly from there this year. One stop shop. I like it! Then we'll just be left with a small number of things.

OH! And yesterday we drew for our Secret Santa at work. Last year, if you remember, I drew my boss which was SCARY- but I did really well. This year I drew someone else, but I know her well, so I don't think it will be a problem. I am SO EXCITED and ready to get on with it- but it doesn't start until December 16th. *sigh* ...

Kah

The Best Laid Plans

Conrad has been in Indianapolis for three days - I never advertise when he's gone because you're not supposed to put such things out in cyberspace. It's like HEY- I'm a woman alone at home- come and get me!!!!

Anyway- he's back and I had SO MANY plans for when he was gone. Some Christmas shopping for him, some closet reorganization ... and none of it really happened. I am so unbelievably stressed out ...

First of all - it's been raining in Houston for two days. When that happens you can COUNT on a 2-2.5 hour commute home. So far, it's been the truth. Also, Conrad's parents and sister and family are coming this weekend - for his dad's birthday. I THINK I've been given some things to do, but it's not really concrete- so I'm ACTUALLY not sure what I should have been doing all this time ... like making reservations, etc- and it doesn't really matter because I have had ZERO time to do it. I am so busy at work with my special project I don't have time to even go on at lunch and research such things. I'm going to have to email his mom today and tell her I've done absolutely nothing combined with Conrad being gone, the rain and work ... and I'm so sorry about that. The thing about Conrad being gone- I'm scared to be alone in the house and I don't sleep. So let's ad ZOMBIE to the mix ... I need things like coffee and toilet paper for the guests and haven't done that either. I've been getting home so late, Blanca has had accidents in the house. I mean I feel like I am at the end of my rope here - there has been no relaxing, no closet cleaning, no girl movies, no ANYTHING for these three days. Just stress, stress, stress.

Conrad called last night and I told him everything that has been going on. Thankfully, he can help me get to the store, Blanca should have no accidents today and if there is rain, I may pull off the road and just go shopping. I did a quick SCAN of the closet at least and I own exactly ONE pair of long pants. How pitiful is THAT?! I do, however have four new bras and five new pairs of underwear. I'm pretty sure they frown on that kind of attire at the office, but they DID say we will have casual Friday's in December- and how much more casual can you get?

Kah

Guilt

More of my Krazy-ness and neurotic behavior for your reading enjoyment!

Usually at the beginning of a season (Houston has two- a 10 month summer and a 2 month winter) I go through my closet and sort of clean it out, re-evaluate, etc ...

and then I am BURDENED with guilt. I am not a waster. I don't like waste - but when I am forced to do it, it depresses me.

Some things have to be thrown out - like, the black capris I wore once a week. They are a sort of weird faded black/gray now. I feel AWFUL about getting rid of them. They are still pants, they have no holes- they do their job, they just look awful ... I'm the kind of person and I HAVE done this, that goes to Wal-Mart for a $1.50 bottle of RIT dye and redyes them so I can get a few more months out of them. I guess that's ok- but sort of sad and REALLY over the top frugal. I have a few tank tops- they were white and they've turned a murky shade of yellow. No amount of bleach will help them. They HAVE to be tossed out, right?! UGH- I hate that!

Then there are the fashion "mistakes" ... the sweaters with the glitter that never makes it past the first washing - the cheap t shirts that stretched out after very little wear ... the pants that looked a lot different once you got them home ... the shoes that HURT and you never wear. THOSE are the things I feel the worst about. I look at them and think "wasted money" ...

But I have committed to myself to go through the closet and every drawer this week - and get rid of everything old, stained, torn, stupid looking, out of date, too big and too small ...

I intend to start over, sort of and really just try to get good quality classic stuff that will survive awhile. No more $3 tank tops from JC Penny's ... no more Wal-Mart shirts that "look cute" ... and don't ... no more shoes I can wear for "just a few hours" ... I will fill the closet with a lot of white, black, navy, gray, red- things that can be interchanged and switched out.

I'm going full out WHAT NOT TO WEAR .... if I can get over the guilt.

Kah

Money Saving Weekend

You want to know something about me? Since my couponing started, I am a FREAK. When our power was out for ten days, of course, we lost everything in the fridge. I have slowly been replacing all the condiments. It's amazing how much money it costs to replace mayo, mustard, ketchup, salad dressing, jelly, butter, hot sauce, picante sauce. The list goes on. So since the power came back on I've replaced things slowly and tried to use as many coupons as I can but on some things it's just not possible- you rarely see them for ketchup, mayo, jalepenos, etc...

HOWEVER French's mustard has them all the time. But at right after the lights came back on, they didn't have one- and they haven't since!!! I just went ahead and bought a small mustard, ketchup and mayo- you know, the basics- paid full price because we needed them. Anyway, this year I REALLY started digging on spicy brown mustard. I think it's DELICIOUS on sandwiches. But I have become such a weirdo I will NOT pay $1.69 for it- ha ha ha. I have been waiting since September 23rd for a coupon and one FINALLY came out on Friday. YAY! $.50 off any French's mustard - Kroger doubles! So I got the mustard (a big bottle too!) for $.69

I am a weirdo because I SURE DID almost wait 6 weeks so I could save a dollar. Pitiful- but well, frugal I guess. I did our shopping Friday night. Total came to $79 - after coupons and the Mega event discounts - I paid $37 --- HA! Beat THAT! That's 2 weeks of dinners and almost all of my lunches- I DO splurge on Berry Hill Tamale days.

Also- do you remember a few posts back- maybe a month ago when I said Conrad was going through his CD's and asked him if he had Nelson, maybe the WORST hair band from the 80's- Ricky Nelson's twin sons- who I love, love love? Remember I have the tape- but we have no tape player- I bought that tape the summer of 1989 and I about wore it out. So I asked Conrad that day if he had the CD and he looked at me with pity and disdain? I haven't heard Nelson in YEARS and I was really disappointed he didn't have it ... Yeah well I happened upon the CD this weekend whilst out garage saling. That's RIGHT! I finally got my Nelson CD. Nary a scratch on it and all for the bargain basement price of $.50 - it may be my best find EVER, on a personal level. I even called Conrad from the truck, Nelson blaring in the background to share the good news. He told me I got ripped off.

Whatever, he doesn't know everything - I have been in Nelson bliss since yesterday. I LOVE YOU MATTHEW AND GUNNER!!!!

Kah

Give me a Break

If you read my post from yesterday, you can see there's a comment there. I have no idea who this person is ... but I start off this blog AGAIN today asking people to be less judgemental. I see from your comment that you are not a "liberal" ... so I assume you didn't vote for Obama. My question to you is, did I EVER say I did? No. I said let's stick to the facts, stop attacking and if you need to look for something good in this, then please look at how wonderful this is for our country, our world and yes, some of our friends..., "This" being making history ... I was VERY educated when I voted and I don't recall EVER saying on here one way or another who I voted for. So very kindly read my blog and reserve judgement or get off. I'm not an idiot. I don't make judgements based on what my "buddies" would like.

I sort of feel like my comments the last few days on this blog have left me feeling like one big, bloody, gaping wound. So many people in my life say I am emotional and sort of over the top. Most of the time it's funny, but I have a hard time sometimes handling bad news ... and I even take situations and stretch them out into the WORST possible scenarios to prepare myself- I can get worked up about NOTHING in 5 seconds flat ... you know what I DO like about Obama? I like his even-keeledness.Conrad has it too and I think life would be so much better for me if I had some of that. My resolution in 2009 should be for me to stop feeling guilty about EVERYTHING, so not be SO high and to not get SO low ... to let comments rolls off my back and stop wearing my feelings on my sleeve.

I'm happy it's Friday. It sort of feels like it's been a whirlwind week. I'm still hacking and coughing, but not as badly as before. We have a nice relaxing weekend up ahead. Kroger has their mega deal back, but this time with the $5 automatic rebate. I've made a list of the things I want to stockpile and I'm happy to say I have a LOT of coupons to go along with it. Should be a nice haul!

I've been put on a special project at work. I have one week of working my desk and the special project- 50/50 and then they have asked me to devote the rest of the month to the project. I actually did VERY well this week and I'm hoping it doesn't take the rest of the month to finish up. I think there is a certain comfort in coming in, sitting at your desk, going through your ritual and doing your job My ritual has been sort of upended and while that's completely fine, it throws me off. I guess I really AM a creature of habit ...

Happy weekend to you all.

Kah

Offensive

Apparently, some people took great offense to my post yesterday- but again I state that this is my blog and I use it to vent and get things out ... sort of an online diary. There were comments made here, and emails sent to my work and my personal email ... emails that I sent out myself to get the conversation going ... and I spent a large part of the day talking with friends and family members about saying what I did ...

But what some people don't get is that the things they were saying, the things I saw on my television ... were offensive to ME. The stupid jokes going around about Obama - like the one about there's been a news release- the lines are too long- all Obama supporters vote onWednesday! .... or the one I got this morning in memo form about how all the people of the country should now report to the cotton fields- signed Obama the Almighty. Those jokes aren't funny TO ME. I can't tell you why. I just know every time I get one in my inbox or one is relayed to me I think it's in poor taste and it's offensive ...

Conrad has caught whatever horrible disease I had last week - and I went out last night to get us dinner. I had stuff at home, but we was sick and had a hankering for something else- so I went out. While I was gone, he logged on to the blog. When I got back he said, "Uh- I did some reading while you were gone". Now I know him and if it's not a Maxim, a NRA publication or a Cigar magazine, he doesn't READ anything ... so I said, "Oh the blog" ... and since Conrad is always a good barometer I asked him what he thought. Was I too harsh? Was I offensive? Etc Etc

......... and he said no. He said the supporters at the John McCain rally who booed and caused a rucus WERE disgusting ... but he also pointed out if Obama had been making a concession speech, there may have been a few at Grant Park who were behaving badly. He said all kinds of people do it and he's right. I'm really only commenting on the people I saw do it ... the people I saw on TV acting a fool ... the people I heard making comments that offended me. I am only commenting on ME and what I saw going on - on Palin's rallies and the things she should have said to stop some of the hecklers who are clearly idiots.

I have a few very very dear black friends who I adore. I saw yesterday that they were SO happy .... it was a victory for them. I'm not saying that's ALL this election was about- but I am saying it's a large part of it. That maybe Obama didn't set out to make history and SHAME on us for taking so long to elect an African American ... but he did make history regardless and it meant something to my friends and to me.

I think the people who stand up and shout that it's payback and that they have EARNED this somehow, etc etc are idiots too ... we have an idiot here in Houston called Quannell X and every time a black man is arrested he's out in the streets making a fuss. One guy had ADMITTED to killing his girlfriend, chopping her to pieces, COOKING her on his BBQ grill and dumping the ashes in the apartment dumpster. Quannell was standing NEXT to the dumpster on TV screaming about African American rights. THAT MAN is an idiot - but he doesn't represent ALL black people ... and I don't care what the election means to him. I care about what it means to my buddies and how they feel so empowered and I care that I got to see it and that now the world sees us as progressive. That, in itself, will help the economy. Don't look at Quannell and see all my friends, just as I hope you don't look at Kid Rock and think he represents all white people. Pa-lease ...

I also got an email yesterday warning me (after my blog was read, this wasn't random) that Michelle Obama is a touch racist herself. To be on the look out for her ... to educate myself ... I don't know. I asked Conrad about it- he said that he knows what she MEANS- that's she's proud to be black and proud of herself for her accomplishments- but he thinks she doesn't voice it very well, that it comes out offensive. So since I am fair and I want to know, I intend to research this ... I will be reading her interviews and watching as many as I can- so I can make up my mind for myself ... I think if it's true, it would be a terrible thing .. but I appreciate the heads up.

Peace,

Kah

President Barack Obama

I had a whole long list of things to address today in light of the outcome of our Presidential election... but I won't bore you with them. I think everyone probably cares more about their own personal opinions than those of others. That has been my experience, in this world, anyway.

But I will say this ... now that the election is OVER, we need to stand behind and support our President. We need to offer all we can do to help unite the country and not go on and on and on about what we SHOULD have done, COULD have done- if you are a John McCain supporter.

It is no surprise to any of you that I am a southern Republican, with a liberal streak. I am going to talk about the Republican party and my reaction to them through this election and most especially, last night.

Good or bad, right or wrong, it has been my EXPERIENCE that things and people are not always what they seem. My EXPERIENCE with very conservative, Christians - is not a good one. I have known many a Christian, especially men - who have been well revered, well thought of in the church who was actually a self righteous, verbal abuser behind closed doors. It is MY experience that SOME of these people can be the most judgemental and biased on the planet... it is for that reason, I believe, that this day in age, organized religion is so frowned upon. I would like nothing better than to find a church home with my husband to support and be supported by ... but it's my experience that I'm always very disappointed. I'm going to keep looking and God willing, we'll find one- but I usually go in now with all my senses on full alert.

Don't get me wrong- I do not believe in gay marriage. I think abortion is wrong and Partial birth abortion is SICK SICK SICK ... sticking a pole in a baby's head and grinding out it's brains is something a monster must have thought of ... those are things I UNDERSTAND we want to keep at bay. I understand wanting to keep our arms and we want to be able to keep our hard earned money ... THOSE are the things the Republican party should stand for. THOSE are the issues they should have fought for ... but it turned so ugly ... and so wrong ... filled with hate and crazy outrageous statements ... I can't believe I was hearing Christians speak this way .. Jesus was FIRM about what HE knew was right. He very angrily turned over the tax collectors tables in the church. He had a temper- to be sure ... our God can be a vengeful God - but I don't recall any Biblical story telling us that Jesus or God was unfair or made up things about other people ... I don't recall Them trying to sway people with meanness and untruths ... I don't think that's how we're supposed to be or act. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY PEOPLE?

Now, what I say now my upset some of my friends and family members, but it's my blog and my opinion - if you are trying to show the world (and I use YOU to mean Republicans, evangelican Christians, etc ...) that you are understanding, compassionate, moral and want what's right for this country - you are doing a poor job of showing it. I have never figured out a way to sway people to my side of an issue with venom, snarkiness, self righteousness or anger ... Let me tell you some of the petty, sad, mean and downright WRONG things I have witnessed:

Barack Obama is a MUSLIM- um, no. He's not. He's christian

Barack Obama is a racist, white hater - um, No ... not true. He DID go to Jeremiah Wright's church for 20 years and it's true that some of it COULD have rubbed off on him. But I never ACTUALLY HEARD anything racist come from his mouth ever.

Barack "Hussien" Obama- ok, are you kidding me? What if some powerful leader rises to power somewhere in Europe, and is filled with hate and kills her own people. What if her name is Elizabeth ... MY name is Elizabeth. So I must be evil too, right? Wrong. I am CONVINCED that Mr Obama's parents did not know they were naming their child such a controversial name.

Barack "Osama" - my personal favorite. Again, CUT IT OUT. He is not a terrorist ...

and then finally, when McCain gave his very eloquent, heartfelt, gracious speech last night, MY people- MY Republicans were there shouting, booing and being hateful in general. I am SO ASHAMED ... and when Obama gave HIS speech - his supporters cheered McCain and were respectful and quiet whent he concession speech came.

ROBOCALLS to CUBAN AMERICANS, in Spanish, stating that Castro is an Obama supporter at the LAST MINUTE in sections of Miami. I mean are you KIDDING me. Republican party? There is no way we could have won with behavior like this.

I do not want to be associated with such beligerance, hate and childishness- especially when the demographics of the Republican party are white, southern, evangelicals. We are supposed to be a compassinate people. We are supposed to stand for what is moral and right. We are supposed walk like Jesus and show our light and we didn't ... we don't ...

I don't know what will happen. I just know that the decision has been made and all the rest of this has to stop. Republicans- THIS behavior is why you lost the White House. THIS IS WHY. Maybe in four years, we will have figured it out.

As for me, I am registering Independent from here on out, because I don't want to be lumped in the party system any longer.

... and finally regardless of who you voted for or how you feel about the outcome- we were lucky enough to witness history last night. We were lucky enough to be here when we FINALLY broke through the racial barriers. Last night, people were able to turn to their black children and say with CONVICTION that ANYTHING is possible and be CORRECT. I for one, am VERY proud of that fact and VERY proud I was here to see it happen.

You absolutely MUST find good in it. You MUST- we are called too ... and there it is.

Kah

The BIG Day

Today is it!

Get out and VOTE! I did about a week ago ... when I felt like I was getting sick and figured I better get out while I can. Good thing I did! I really do feel that EVERY vote counts this year!!!!

Anyway today is the big day and I am VERY excited ... I do feel just AWFUL for Obama losing his grandmother the day before ... it's so hard to lose someone so close to you- but on top of that, she was more like a parent to him ... I was pleased to see the McCain's offer their condolences ... I thought things would turn nasty these past few days but they didn't really ...

I will be GLUED to the TV tonight, that's for sure!!! I sort of want to call Conrad and tell him to meet me out for dinner so I don't have to worry about it. Otherwise, it's a toasted pimento cheese sandwich and soup night!!! I didn't really take anything out of the freezer to be cooked.

I haven't decided what to do about that yet ... but as the day wears on I'm sure I'll figure it out. Anyway- vote for DECISION 2008!!!!

May the best man win. :)

Kah

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Well ... no words. There are no words for the massacre of the Dallas Cowboys that I witnessed yesterday. All I can say is that they deserved it. I was so upset, I went into the kitchen and started making comfort food ... I sort of made something up, but it turned out alright.

Karyn's Bloody Sunday Hash

1 lb hamburger browned with 1/2 chopped onion and 1/2 chopped bell pepper
Drain grease
Add two cups of water, 1 beef bullion cube, 1 cup of rice and 1 can of DICED tomatoes (I used fire roasted)
Chop up or slice VERY thin, 2 potatoes.
Add it all together. Turn down to medium, cover and cook about 15 minutes.

CAREFUL- some stuff WILL stick to the bottom. You have to watch it and stir it.

I serve it with small topping of mozerella cheese. I had two helpings, it was GOOD and then I ate a cold piece of pizza from Saturday night. I should have had heartburn all night, but alas, it's more like HEARTBREAK.

We can kiss this Super Bowl BYE BYE

Kah