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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Faith

I really wasn't ready to post this yet ... but events from today tell me I must post.

So yesterday morning Allstate called regarding my wreck. Apparently, the other man's car is STILL not fixed ...it's been FOUR MONTHS and TWO DAYS - and they are telling me they found something ELSE wrong with it and want to warn me that I am nearing my $25K libability coverage. If it goes over, I'm liable and no, his car is not totalled, just really really damaged. So my first question was ... um ... so has he been a rental car this WHOLE time and are you telling me I have to pay for that ??? Well if the cost of the repairs AND the cost of the rental go over $25k then yeah ... and I said HOLD UP - this is CLEARLY negligance on your part and I am NOT PAYING - and then I hung up and called my agent and relayed the story. They are now working on it for me. But this has been a TERRIBLE experience for me and once again, just as I am about to pay off another credit card, this comes up. JUST as I get ahead ... I get knocked back down. Well maybe - I don't know yet if I went over, I'm just "close" ...

So yesterday I start praying and then I wonder what am I praying for and who am I praying to? Why have these last three years been the BEST and also the WORST? Why does this keep happening to me and why can I never get ahead ??? and as for the praying - who says there's a God? Who am I praying to? Am I only praying because I saw my grandmother do it- a devout Catholic who believed everything was from God? My dad wrote a religious book, my mom goes to chuch every Sunday- is THAT why I believe? And I went to bed bitter and confused and scared and I woke up this morning and said no no no - I mean NO - how can it be? How can people get through life thinking they are all on their own? How do you not go crazy thinking no on has your back?

So I went to work this morning- and my friend Tosha forwarded me an email by her pastor talking all about Hope and hard times and struggle and being grateful for what you have ... and I thought on that all day long. I bet my friend Amy would gladly take on an extra debt to not have cancer right now, and I bet my friends who have lost their jobs would take on a little extra if that meant income coming in ... I bet that girl who was killed here a few weeks ago would be fine with an extra $5-10K on her plate, if only she were still alive. and I realized I'm not grateful for what I have at all- clearly .... I am fairly healthy, when I left work today I had a job ... I have maybe the best husband ever - and a dog who cuddles with me every night ... plenty of food and a pretty house ... things could be worse ... and even though this is COMPLETELY unfair and I may need to get a lawyer before this is all over ... I know that I was really in a bad and wrong place yesterday.

and now I log on today and here is a post on one of my favorite decorating blogs- Notes From a Cottage Industry. http://acottageindustry.typepad.com/a_cottage_industry/

It's all about faith how people have such a hard time when they don't believe in God ... and about praying and how prayer works ... and wow, I totally needed to hear that. Coincidence? I SOOOOO don't think so!

Kah

3 comments:

lori.ayork said...

Karyn,

There is a great book that our Sunday School class is reading right now called The Purpose-Driven Life. It is a book you read for 40 days and it's really opening my eyes to a whole lot. Honestly, I bought this book years ago before I was a "true" believer, but never read it. I have to say I am so happy you are beginning to think about your faith and ponder the hard questions. I believe that is the Lord working in your heart because he has bigger things in store for you. I don't know what it is about laying down your life for your Savior and saying, "here's my trouble-you take it-it's yours, I don't want it," but it ALWAYS makes things turn around. There IS something bigger out there. He DOES have our back...and it's SO wonderful to KNOW HIM and call to Him and know that He WILL answer your prayers (whether it works out the way you want it to or not.)
I just have to say that I was SO SCARED about moving into this house that for WEEKS my anxiety would completely take me over and I would just stop and pray, "Lord, you know my heart. Please calm my fears and prepare me for the day that I go there to live and give me a peace that only comes from you." And I really have not been scared at all...other than those few noises..and at those times, I again pray, "Lord, you know my heart. Please calm my fears and remind me the only other person in this house is you." And He does. It's amazing how I don't sweat the small stuff or the big stuff anymore. Anyway, that's a long way to say I am happy you're coming into this decision. I would love to know where you go from here. And I highly recommed Faithbridge on Stuebner-Airline as a great church to begin going to. It's where I was lead to Christ. And if you're on itunes, check out the Breakaway Ministries podcast. Ben Stuart is an Aggie that is HILARIOUS in his preaching. I LOVE listening to him. He guest pastors at Faithbridge quite a bit. I will try to keep you informed in case you want to see Ben in person. Love you tons!

Ann said...

Keep the faith. It is when you are down that you find the greatest gifts. I love you!

Amy Leferink said...

Lori is right, prayer does really powerful things. You don't have to be super religious to benefit from a relationship with God. It comes in small steps. Even if you just pray once a day or at night, it really helps you to realize your blessings, calm your fears, and feel hopeful for better things to come. Somehow asking God to take on your burdens gives you the strength and knowledge to face the problems. I always tell myself that even the worst times in my life always turned out to be for a good reason and the result was something bteer. It's hard to see it at the time you are going through it, but believe me..years later you will see the good that came from it. Maybe it's as simple as making you a stronger person or giving you experience in dealing with difficult business matters that will help you down the road. Just hang in there, ask God for his help, and know that you will get through this! Lots of love to you - Amy