Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Maybe I won't kill the blog. I got some emails, a comment and a few FB messages. I just feel I am running out of things to say. I look at other blogs and these women post EVERYDAY and everyday is some project like refinishnig a dining table or cooking some four course meal and I think I don't have TIME to do that.

I have not really felt myself since the surgery. I guess it's a mild depression. I don't feel BAD. I mean I can totally be here at work, I can cook at home- I can clean again ... I did the laundry this Friday ...  I can do most everything I could before except for workout (that's next week) ... but I don't feel GOOD either. My incision sites itch and they hurt. I'm still sore. I still sleep a lot and when I don't - I feel like I should be. I still get exhausted at work and I have this pins and needles sensation on my incision sites. I looked it up yesterday and it said that they had to cut nerves and it's just the nerves growing back. It's a very annoying feeling. We went to a wedding this weekend and a part of it was outside and I started to sweat some and it got on my incisions and it just felt ICK ... and I just feel ICK. I don't feel GREAT and I don't feel NORMAL ... but I don't feel BAD enough to justify anything.

I sort of feel like I need a day or two off to just get back to myself- but I just had an entire WEEK off. I think though unless you've had surgery you don't understand that it wasn't a week OFF. It was a painful week. I didn't get to do anything around the house- moving was hard. I wasn't going out to eat or shopping- couldn't drive. I wasn't reading or watching movies even though I stocked up on both- I could barely keep my eyes open. I wasn't swimming or taking bubbles baths- I couldn't submerge. I was basically sleeping, getting up and taking a shower, making it back to the couch to sleep some more. I got that headache you get when you sleep too much- I was miserable. I couldn't really get dressed since pants hurt where I was cut ... there was no point of makeup. I was in a huge funk for like 7 days. It wasn't a vacation, it wasn't relaxing or fun. I couldn't even wash clothes or do anything useful. Conrad was only home with me the first day, the surgery day, so I was home alone, I was bored and lonely. It felt like the whole world was going on without me and going on just fine ... But how do I explain all of that to coworkers?

I'm just not feeling myself. I'm grumpy- I want to workout again. I'm tired. I'm  ... whatever.
I guess this is normal. I hope it's normal. I'm giving myself the rest of this week to get home from work and sleep, to cook craptastic meals like grilled cheese and not feel bad about it ... but next week I am back to 100%. I am back to cooking, cleaning and reading .. watching movies and working out.