Monday, October 25, 2010


You know, I've had people tell me how it is to be ME my whole life ... and it hasn't happened lately but I FEEL it.

I've had people tell me I am too extreme. I either LOVE something or HATE something. There is no gray area ... and then I caught myself actually thinking about something before I talked, because of someone else's judgement.

I had someone tell me once that I used too many words that sounded like SOUNDS ... like POP, ZOOM, BOOM ... he actually told me that it was annoying. I would just be telling him something like "That balloon exploded and went POP" ... or "I saw a car accident this morning and those two cars hit with a BOOM." ... yes, well I guess that was wrong. It was an annoying way to talk. *I* was annoying.

Now I feel like it's happening again ... I am being PERCIEVED as a certain way ... like I'm selffish and self absorbed ... and the person who is putting this on me IS me ... I am trying to explain to people how I feel about certain things and whenever I get their reaction, I feel like it's more of a "Oh ... here we go, she's being Karyn again" ...

and I've always wondered why that is such a bad thing.

Well I don't know, but today I have cried and cried because I didn't think it was a bad thing. Not at all, but today, I don't know, maybe so. Maybe I am bad. Maybe I am selffish. Maybe I am judgemental. Maybe I am absolutely 100% all of those things.